Pregnancy # 2

Today I am turning 29 weeks! As I imagine every pregnant woman at this stage feels, I am overwhelmed by how quickly time has gone by, even though every sepparate little moment of it has felt so slow.

 

I can definitely say at this point that this pregnancy doesn't feel nearly as "glamourous" as the first one. In terms of health, I feel great and all in all I have done great this time as well, despite feeling much more nauseous in the first trimester than I did with Paulo. Physically, I would say this pregnancy has felt very much like the first one, which is definitely a good thing, and I feel lucky that once again I haven't had to deal with any issues at all.

 

However, mentally and emotionally, this pregnancy has been, well, very low key.

There are of course some obvious differences such as the fact that the first baby is always such a big deal, just because it is the first one and it is such a big change in anybody's life, a surprise for everybody and other things like that. 

I remember being at the ultrasound in my first pregnancy and feeling so excited to see the baby in that screen for the first time. I couldn't help to buy everything cute that came across my way and being so enthusiastic about prepping the baby's room. Besides my own personal exictement, it was as if the world around me was excited for me as well. I remember walking in the building corridors to go to work and having people look at me and smile, being congratulated by strangers in the elevator on a daily basis, people giving me their seat on the bus, and receiving so much kindness and excitement from everyone around me all the time.

 

This time around though, it just feels different. It is still possible that my last trimester will be different once I start showing a great deal more (being pregnant in full winter weather definitely doesn't let you show much under tons of clothes and coats). However, it seems as if everybody else knew that this is my second pregnancy as well (is it my tired face and eyes ??? :S).

 

On top of that we have everything we need and at this point it, we are busier than we've probably ever been, and it seems more like a pain to dig up all that baby equipment, clean it, and get it all ready.

 

I am sure eventually we will get  more excited again. Actually, with the prospect of having a home birth this time and preparing for that, I am starting to feel those butterflies in my stomach again. I  have also gotten some new and cute baby things as well, and narrowing down the list of names is all starting to feed that excitement. And wondering what this baby will look like this time, and holding a tiny little baby close again...We are definitely getting there.

One thing is for sure, listening to that baby heart beat at every doctor's visit definitely makes me feel amazing every time. To me, there is just nothing like it. I think that even if this was my tenth time having a baby, I would still experience that overwhelming feeling of having a new life growing inside and the idea of what a gift that is. There is just nothing more amazing than the power of a beating heart...wow... it takes my breath away... every time. 

Little One

Lately I have had the urge to write more about the dailiness of living with Paulo, taking pictures and anything that helps me not forget the time when it was always just the 3 of us. I guess I haven't really been that good at even keeping track of every little thing. Perhaps just the big milestones and even some of those have escaped me. I think I have probably trusted my memory too much, and just thinking that I will never forget what those moments felt like and what they look  like in my head, makes me become less disciplined when it comes to writing.

However, now I realize how much life has changed in just 23 months and how much more it will change when the new baby arrives. Will my memory become foggy again? will I forget everything that happens while I am sleep deprived again? Will having two kids make it impossible to pay attention to any particular milestones or daily happenings?

But with the purpose of remembering the little things that Paulo can say and do now that make every day so special,  I have written down a list. Of course it would take a full time job to be able to write everything that I think is cute about him so I will write whatever comes to mind at this time:

• He will randomly look  at me with the sweetest look, come to me, hold my face with both hands and give me a very very soft kiss in the face (almost if if he thought he could hurt me :) )
• whenever he wants something, he will tell me as if he is asking himself and then respond: i.e. he'll say: "quieres quesito? si!" ("do you want cheese? yes!")
• He will sing songs to himself completely out of tune, but still sounds so sweet to me. Obviously he can't sing every song word by word correctly yet, so he sounds like someone who is learning a new language and only immitates the sounds, but has no clue what he is singing
• Whenever he sees me coming into a room, or first thing in the morning, he will smile at me and tell me in the seetest little voice "Hola 'mune'!! (short for "muneco/doll" which is what I call him sometimes)
• He pretends to count "uno, dos tres, cinco, seis, siete, ocho, cinco, dos, tres..." haha
• Paulo loves to "read". He loves the library, loves looking at one book after another and lately he even loves looking at the newspaper with me. We will both sit on the couch and I will read the headings and he will look at the pictures on it :). Some of his favourite books have been read to him so many times, that sometimes I will catch him saying the words to himself while he plays
• Paulo's other favourite thing to do is to play with balls. Soccerballs, footballs, rubber balls, sponge balls, bouncy balls, etc. Big, small, tiny, it doesn't matter, he loves them all. It is also amazing the soccer skills he has developed, as he'll spend probably 60% of his play time kicking a ball around and back and forth with mama and/or papa.
•  Sometimes he has little spurts of independence and will actually kick me out of his room when I am putting him to sleep for example. Other times, like last night, he will playing cars with daddy and when I come to see what tey are doing he says "vaya mama!" / "mama go!" - he wants me to go away and let them play alone! I could feel sad but I just find it hilarious.

These are only some of the things that melts my heart on a daily basis. They are the type of things that make me smile like a goof when I'm sitting at my desk at work or riding the bus to work. They all melt my heart and make me think how lucky I am to have suck a special and loving little boy.