Pregnancy Pictures (39 weeks)

It is almost 4 days before my due date and I find that I have gone from scrambling to get everything done before the baby arrives, to trying to keep busy so that I don't go nuts waiting. Every day that goes by there is more of that feeling that somebody is trying to stick his hand out down there (ouch!) and some mild contractions that kind of remind me of when I first felt contractions two years ago... Except I do remember that last time I almost saw stars when I felt them, and that made me realize it was really happening.

So, last Friday it was the first day I kind of had some time to stay in the house and just relax. No laundry to do, no groceries to get, no phone calls to make. And Paulo was at daycare, so I decided to have some "me" time and take some self portraits of my 39 week belly. We had initially asked a friend to take some shots of our family, but considering how close we are to the due date and our inability to arrange a time to meet for a photo shoot, I decided to go ahead and try some of my own (I couldn't take any chances!).





Self Portrait #1

 

It only took about 1,385 shots to get one exactly as I wanted it, but I was pretty happy with the results:



Self Portrait #2

Both pictures where taken at about noon, right against the livingroom window (thus the blinds in the background as I couldn't find a proper backdrop) and exposing for the bright light coming through the window to get my dark profile. The picture was taken with a Nikkor AF-S 50mm 1:1.8 lens. Then I edited in Picasa. Unfortunately I forgot to write down the exposure and other details used.

These shots were really much harder to get than I thought. While doing only a silhouete picture allowed me not to have to worry much about my makeup, facial expression or what I was wearing, it was extremely difficult to make sure I was standing in the right angle, standing up straight, pulling my elbows back enough and sticking my butt out. After a couple of hours and tons of pictures, I was pretty happy with a few, specially these two.

  

Tomorrow a new week begins and it could be a very exciting one. Now to find some more little projects to fill time!

39 weeks - for the last time.

I am now 39 weeks pregnant and our baby is almost here. It is so surreal to think that in a little bit more than 2 weeks we will have a baby no matter what. At this point, i am feeling pretty good considering I am 20 kgs above my normal/starting weight. I am having a hard time moving around, as it feels like my belly gets in the way of everything. It is hard to get up, hard to sit down, and hard to get comfortable in pretty much any position. This has not affected my ability to sleep though, which I think is a nice perk of being pregnant for the second time -- I'm always so exhausted I sleep no matter what!

 

So the countdown to my due date begins here. The thought of a new baby arriving never leaves my mind and I am in a constant state of body awareness reading every signal in my body, trying to decipher whether gas, tiredness, kicks, itches, etc etc are anything related to signs of labour. Then I remind myself that Paulo was 10 days late and born the day I was meant to be induced, so I should not hold my breath for my due date this time.

 

Other than those thoughts, I also find myself a bit nostalgic about this moment in my life.   It is very likely that this is the last time in my life I will be pregnant. Very likely, the last time I carry a life inside of me. The last time I feel those kicks. The last time I hear that wonderful sound of a heartbeat that has the power of silencing the entire world for a moment. You have no idea how sad these thoughts make me...

 

The funny thing is that I was always so sure that I wanted to have only 2 children, and I was so okay with that. And then came Paulo. Being pregnant with him was such an amazing experience (not to mention anything that happened after), that I really felt it was one of the best times of my life by far. Then I started thinking  very differently and by the time we were expecting this baby, I was totally hooked on pregnancy and babies. I really felt I couldn't imagine my life not ever being pregnant again, not ever holding a new baby again, not ever giving my heart away again for the third, or fourth time....

 

I had this conversation with Rob, and he actually felt very differently, in that he still thinks 2 is the perfect number and he actually cannot imagine himself (or me for that matter!!) taking care of 2 or 3 more kids, unless we win the lottery and can have an army of nannies to help with everything from cleaning the house to changing babies in the middle of the night. It doesn't surprise me that he feels that way, considering 1. He is a male and the whole pregnancy experience is very different for him, and 2. he is in the end stuck with the financial responsibility of taking care of this family (mainly because of the traditional roles most of us have grown up with- even if we dont necessarily think like that 100%), especially while I am not working.

 

I have given this whole thing some thought and sadly, I have to admit that even though I value family much more than I do economic status or material goods,  I still think that in our position it would be very difficult to have a big family. I think about things that we enjoy in life besides children, for example traveling, and how difficult it would be to do that with a big family. I can definitely not imagine giving that up, and one of my dreams is precisely traveling with our kids one day and showing them the world, exposing them to other cultures and have new experiences together, just like my parents did with my sister and me. And thinking about doing that with a family of 6 or more is not only a financial impossibility for us, but would probably be a logistical nightmare. Add to that other things such as attending sports camps, hobbies, and yes... education. I guess all this burst my bubble and brought me back to reality: this might very well be my last pregnancy/ baby EVER.  But hey, who knows....tomorrow i'll buy myself a lottery ticket and maybe I'll get lucky :) .