My two cents: Are we (women/moms) our own worst enemy?

A couple of weeks  ago I was reading this post on a blog I've been following lately from a mom who lives in Ottawa. The author writes about how she is reflecting on different events in her life, which have led her to think about the confidence she has gained socially  from having a daughter, which led her to think about the confidence she has lost professionally from having a daughter.

 

The author confesses: " The truth is, I’ve been making excuses when it comes to my career, underestimating my abilities and not stepping outside my comfort zone to take on new responsibilities and leadership because I’m afraid of failure and what others will think" (...) And she continues to say: "I’ve spent so much time working on my achievements outside of work and not enough time working on my professional self." (...) And she finally adds:" I’m already seeing how gender stereotypes are playing into my little girl’s life and I want to show her that women can be smart and powerful. I want her to be a strong leader in all areas of life and that means I should try to be one too. I want that for her…and for me."

 

Reading this post had me thinking about it for days, feeling like there was something about it that bothered me. I believe that thought would make any mother with a professional background and aspirations reflect on how their life is panning out come parenthood. So after digesting these ideas for days, these are the TWO main resulting sets of conclusions I've come to:

 

FIRST:

 

• This is such a common dilemma for women in our day and age. It is gut wrenching, and just confirms my belief that women have to carry the world on their shoulders to live up to the many expectations that this world has for us, and that WE have of ourselves.
• It is, what one of my neighbours very assertively referred to as `cultural insanity`. 
• Time is a limited resource, and therefore, even though we would like to dedicate all the necessary time to excel at home and in our careers, there is a point where we have to take some time allocated to A, in order to give it to B.
• Sure, we can `"buy" time if we make a certain salary and can pay somebody to get the laundry done, but up to a certain extent. How far will our ambition (if you will) go?
• In this life, we can't have it all.

 

SECOND:

 

• I kind of resent the last frase where she says: "I want to show her that women can be smart and powerful. I want her to be a strong leader in all areas of life and that means I should try to be one too."  I think the author may be able to better explain her thoughts on this one, could I ask her to elaborate on this particular point. However, regardless of whether she meant to say what I interpreted in this particular comment or post, I have seen this type of thinking in many other places, coming from women themselves: i.e. "I want to be a positive example for my daughter", "I want to show her women can be leaders", etc.  I think these particular statements show how WE WOMEN are seeing ourselves in the same light we complain men seeing us with. We are selling ourselves short. And we are constantly underrating the amount of effort, dedication, skill and intelligence that is needed to successfully run a home and a family. MOREOVER, we are belittling the impact that us women and especially moms, have in society; not only through educating children, but in SHARING the responsibilities to run a household (or is it SUPPORTING the role of those men who go out there and have what we ourselves think are "real jobs"?).  I think anybody who participates and contributes to a household can recognize that this role is key to a functional family, whether this role is performed by a nanny, a housewife, or other family members.

So, my final thoughts are:

 

•  How about we forgive ourselves for not being EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME? how about we forgive ourselves for not "leaning in" at a particular time in our lives, when we are much needed standing straight at home? Perhaps then we can ask for the rest of the world to start doing the same.
• How about we start valuing our work at home fairly? whether we give it 50%, or 30% or 100% of our time, working at home and raising kids is absolutely no less important than working downtown alongside with men. I know many women will think "But I don't get excited about scrubbing bathrooms" -- well, I don't think anybody does. And yet, like in all jobs, there are less exciting tasks that still need to get done as part of the bigger picture.
• Only once we fully and sincerely understand the above, can we stop being OUR OWN WORST ENEMY.

Emilio - 5 months

5 months and quickly approaching the half year mark. I just can't believe it has been five months since we had you in our hands the first time! Since daddy caught you as you made your incredibly fast way into this world. 5 months since you spent your first night in our bed... incredible.

 



Emilio - 5 months



I just took you to your 5 months check-up and vaccinations. You weighed 17.5 lbs/ 7.9 kgs and measured 71 cm. You are 60th  percentile for weight and about 99th for height, which is not surprising considering how long you feel when I carry you and how long you look when I see you lying down from the distance.

 

As one of our friends once said, babies are either good sleepers or good eaters. That was true in your brother's case and has been true with you as well. You sleep well in the sense that your naps and bed times are very predictable and consistent, and when you wake up it is only to nurse and you go right back to sleep. However, you do still eat ALL.THE.TIME, and this means you wake up often at night.

 



Happy Feet

 Honestly, I can't actually tell how many times or how long you sleep at night, because I have you with us in bed for most of the night and whenever you start being fussy I just nurse you lying down and don't really wake up, so most times in the morning I can't remember how many times I was up or how long your sleep stretches were. I have been making an effort to let you sleep in your crib more often. You now have most of your naps in your crib at least until you wake up to eat. Then I feed you and put you back in our bed. However, at night I put you in your crib for the first stretch and you usually wake up shortly after I go to bed, and I am too lazy to try and make you go to sleep back in your crib. You certainly resist it, and usually at that time I am too tired to insist, so I just put you in bed with us for the rest of the night.

 

This month you have been consistently rolling from back to front, like it's no big deal. You start kicking your legs really hard and manage to push yourself inch by inch. You have pretty big head control and you have also started to make a lot of noises, as if you are trying to talk, especially in the morning. You usually go to sleep somewhere between 8.30 and 9.30 and you seem to always wake up around 6.30 or 7 a.m. , waking everybody up with your little noises. If I take you away you will go back to sleep about an hour later, but usually you brother wakes up a minute after you've gone back to sleep and he comes barging in, being too noisy for you to sleep through that, and too excited to see your little idol walk in the door.

 

Brothers

It is amazing how much you follow your brother around with your eyes. You look at him and you just seem to smile in awe. He has been much better with you as well, being a lot more affectionate in the last few weeks.

 

Most days you are either lying down somewhere, in your car seat as we drive somewhere, or being carried around in the ring sling. However, you are definitely getting waaay to heavy for that thing and my back and shoulders don't appreciate it that much anymore, so I've been putting you in the stroller now, which you seems to enjoy okay.

 

I had your Aguis buy you a real rebozo in Mexico and I am excited to see how that works out to carry you in my back. You love being carried around so much. People turn their heads all the time to see you, and they ALWAYS get a smile from you and ALWAYS comment on how content and quiet you look. It is true, you are by far the happiest, most content baby I think I've met. You almost never cry, except for when you're tired or hungry, which is not often.

 

Little Emi, cosita, little chubby cheekers, little Emster, we love you so much. I am so excited to see you grow and can't wait to have more adventures with you.  

 

The best smile in the world!

 

 

Paulo dice asi.../ Paulo says it like this...

You will find that most , if not all of Paulo's conversations start with a "No!"...ahhh toddlerhood...

Me: "Vamonos Paulo, es hora de dormir"/ "Let's go Paulo, it's time for bed"

Paulo: "No!"

Me: "Paulo, quieres dormir con mama o con papa"/ "Do you want to sleep with mommy or daddy"

Paulo: "No! I want to sleep with the Ipad"

"Tengo una idea!" /"I have an idea!" -- I'm pretty sure he has no idea what having and idea means. I think he think it means something about getting a surprise present or something, because every time he says that he starts searching my purse or doing things like these:

Daddy: "Paulo, stop pulling my shirt from the irnoning board" "No papi!!! It's an idea!!!" Hahaha, too funny, God knows what he's thinking...

Me: "Paulo, estas feliz?"/ "Paulo, are you happy?"

Paulo:"No mama!! estoy enfermo!!"/ "No mom!! I'm ill!!"

(Playing cars)

Me: "Puedo poner el carrito en esa puertita?"/"Can I put the car in that little door?"

Paulo: " No mama, este juego esta muy chiquito para ti / "No mom, this game is too small for you".

Paulo: "Voy a trabajar en el Ipad"/ "I'm going to work on the Ipad" (meaning, he can't be interrupted)

Paulo 2.5 Years

Paulo, hermosho pisioso, bonito, cosita linda, chiquito hermoso, enanito, mune, munequito. You've turned 2.5 years!! and you have changed soooo incredibly much in the last 6 months. I can barely remember the early months, almost as if you have always been this old.

 

You are a tall, skinny, curly little devil, and we are having so much fun at this age. You have been through so many changes since you turned two, it is no surprise to me that you have made temper tantrums part of your daily routine. You definitely are a bear in the mornings and after your naps and I have to tiptoe around you until you're a little bit awake.

 

You have had a tough last few months with our move away from Calgary, your leaving day care, and the birth of your little brother. I am starting to bounce back from severe separation anxiety from being unable to pay 100% of my attention to you 100% of the time. You in turn, have learned to be a bit more independent, and play by yourself for longer stretches of time.

 

It took you a while to get used to your little brother, but you are slowly starting to care more and more for him, which is really cute to watch. You will now randomly hug your little brother and say : "estoy cuidando a Emi" (I'm taking care of Emi"), or give him kisses and bring him things once in a while. That being said, you still almost 90% of the time will take toys away from him, including rattles and other baby toys, haha.

It is no surprise that Emilio follows you with his eyes ALL the time and lights up every time he sees you. You are always on the go, being a busy little boy. I love watching you run around from one place to the other, always in a hurry, with your cute little stiff run.

 

You have become quite strong headed and you must ALWAYS get your way. Everything is a fight with you and sometimes you bring me to tears, it is so exhausting to stretch my patience so much. But I am glad that more and more now we are starting to get have peaceful days and smile more than butt heads.

 

 You absolutely LOVE your strider bike. We go bike riding almost every day now if it's not rainy, and you have now started to go out on bike rides with daddy. You certainly can pick up a great speed and you go around the neighborhood turning heads everywhere you go, you look so ridiculously cute. Other than your bike, your other favorite toys are still balls, cars, and lately the train table we recently got you. Oh, and I should not forget umbrellas...oh boy, your love (obsession) for umbrellas!

 

One thing that has become really obvious to me in the last few months, though, is your mastering language. You are definitely learning more English and becoming more confident at speaking it now that your Nana is at home, and that daddy is making a bigger effort to speak to you in his language. You love speaking English and using all your new words. Your Spanish continues to be amazing, learning new vocabulary every day and starting to sound more and more like me, which I don't know if it is funny or scary. The other new thing from the last few weeks has been your ability to "create" new words in Spanglish, which basically means taking a word in either language and adapting it to sound either English or Spanish. It is very funny, but this is one of those cute traits that I do care to correct because I want you to be able to communicate well.

 

Last but not least, your imagination has sparked and exploded in the last month like never before. I think for the first time in your life, you are starting to use your imagination, mostly with pretend play. You will pretend that you are a cat, make up stories, pretend you are Jake and I'm Captain Hook, and you even pretend you speak a foreign language now, which always makes us both laugh, it is so silly.

 

Paulo, I love you so much I could have never imagined I can love you even more every day. You make me try so hard to be better for you every day, and yet sometimes I am so disappointed in myself that I can't be 100% the mother you deserve. You are such a gift in our life, I will never be able to explain it enough.

 

Te quiero munequito!!!