What we have been up to.

This year has been a year full of reflection and introspection for me. Funny, because even though I didn't make any resolutions for this year, I have thought about many changes I would like to make in our lives, especially in terms of our health and the way we parent. Some of these thoughts I have actually put into action and have stuck for almost a year now. They have had real consequences for our health and I just want to write it all down to remember how this whole new lifestyle came about.

 

It is difficult to keep this short because I feel that I can have a whole conversation about each of these topics but I only have limited time to talk about this so I will have to be brief, hopefully describing all the essence of my thoughts:

 

• The first big change in our life since the start of this year has been dramatically reducing and almost eliminating sugar and refined carbohydrates from our diet. We have also greatly reduced other unhealthy foods (i.e. potato chips, which I'm addicted to), but the main focus has been on sugar. It all started when I read the book "Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against sugar, processed food, obesity and disease" by Robert Lustig. I always considered us to be a healthy family, always thought I chose healthy foods for our kids and believed I was moderating our consumption of sugar. Everything in moderation, right? Well, this book really opened my eyes and helped me realized the amount of sugar that is present in processed foods, even when you least expected. We are not big on processed foods, but I realized the amounts of sugar my kids were getting from things like flavoured yoghurt, juice, bread and the occasional canned vegetables for example was worrying and inacceptable. So I decided to try to eat as much "real food" as possible. No more quick, grab-and-go, so-called healthy snacks for my kids, no more "convenience' food, no more trusting the food industry with their "healthful", "natural" claims. We now have a diet based on whole foods, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, lots of beans and legumes, dairy and meats, and I bake my own bread every week, we are not scared of fat anymore. Rob and I have done a few 30 day challenges where we go without sugar and honestly, the last time I didn't even miss it, so I tried to keep that diet. I wouldn't say it is perfect at all, and actually I find it really hard to protect the kids from the sugar-obsessed environment. But I try really hard, even if it means having mixed feeling about allowing kids to have a "normal" childhood vs. a "healthy" one (these many times are conflicted). Anyway, this year we got sick in September (1 month after the start of school) for the 1st time, and I am suspicious that our new diet had a lot to do with our staying healthy this long.

 

• Another thing I have consciously tried to do on purpose has been to spend more time outside with the kids. I was inspired by a few videos and articles I read about the Forest Kindergarten and other school that really promote building a connection with kids and their environment. Their values resonated with me and I also have experienced first hand the benefits of spending time outside with the kids. This is the thing: I know many parents who are afraid of taking their kids camping, or doing hiking trips or the like, because they are afraid their kids are going to act crazy and it is going to be too difficult to control them. But honestly? Every time we take our kids outside they have SO MUCH FUN, they don't even look at me. I don't know if my kids are the exception, but I doubt it. I think kids just thrive outdoors, and they learn so much from physical ability to mental focus, to strategy, to science, etc. it seems even cruel or negligent to deprive kids of outdoors and nature. I do recognize there are families that are waaay more outdoorsy than us, but I am really trying to make an effort to spend more hours outside every day, even if it is just playing soccer in our street.

 

 

 

• This one is closely related to the previous point and more about our parenting. I recently read Jessica Lahey's book The Gift of Failure. I didn't think this book was extraordinary like other books in the way it is written , but I think it's message is very valuable, very clearly stated and well document with research and not just anecdotal. The message really resonated with me: back off from your children, give them space, let them fail, make mistakes, and learn for themselves. This book presents the idea that even if our intentions are good, trying to save kids from our fears and trying to "help" them do things "better" or "easier" , when we intervene to save or help or children, we are doing more harm than good. We are undermining their ability to do things on their own, and depriving them of the sense of achievement. Depriving them of those incredible feeling of doing things all by yourself. And later in life, these feeling or not being able to do things on their own translate to the real world, resulting in kids, teenagers, young adults who are afraid to go out in the world and take risks, make friendships, find jobs, etc. This whole philosophy really resonates with me, because I think it described exactly what happened to me while growing up. I know my parents' intention were always the best, and I won't dare say I parent any better than them. But I suspect that it was their own fears sometimes, or their desire to make my life more comfortable than they had it, that motivated them to overprotect me to the point that many times I felt crippled, frustrated and incapable. I think on a subconscious level that might have been the reason why I was always looking for opportunities to travel and live in other countries. If you ask me one of the things I most enjoyed about traveling, was the feeling of "surviving" on my own. A feeling I didn't experience much at home. Another component of this philosophy is how modern society expects parents to be excessively monitoring their children. And when parents excessively intervene in their children's play or when they make themselves excessively visible, interactions between children change dramatically. I could not agree more with this. If I think about the times I have watched my kids show affection to each other and play peacefully while having contagious belly laughs, looking after each other, showing tolerance, patience and fraternal love, is when my presence hasn't been obvious. This happens when I am focused in cooking and they are left to play (and get bored) and their own, when I have left them outside playing while I go back inside to get or do something, when I am (or pretending to be) "busy" in the backyard while they are just there playing on their own. I know a lot of parents (including my very own) could interpret this as borderline neglect, or uninvolved or just plain wrong, but honestly, I have seen some of these very same parents literally ruin moments of play, or relationships between sibling, or even their own relationships with their kids by constantly intervening, unnecessarily mediating between children, nagging, correcting, criticizing, etc. And it is these same parents who always make remarks to say my kids are very independent and they wish their kids were able to play and have fun without constantly needing them to step in or play with them.

 

 

As I mentioned before, and as it has become clear, I can rant forever about all this and I have run out of time. But these 3 are things that I have dedicated a lot of thought and effort to, and just wanted to write it down.

Emilio - 2.5 years

Emi, Emi, Emi...! You are a handful!!! You have always been very intense, but the last little while has been full on toddler energy!  and it hasn't always been easy, but the hardships definitely don't even begin to define your sweet, happy, smart and vivacious self.

No doubt you are the life of the party when you are happy. You are affectionate, full of joy, a chatterbox and super sociable. You give, hands down, the BEST hugs in the universe. You are so affectionate and such a sweet heart, you just can't hide it. You are also so enthusiastic about everything, you always want to be in the middle of the action, and the words "exhausted", "rest" and "quiet" mean nothing to you. You are just not interested in being calm or taking a break. Instead, you want to be part of all the action at all times, and that 90% of the time means being near your brother and sticking your nose in his business at all cost.

You are also a super strong, athletic little guy. You are like a tiny body builder. Your physical ability is impressive, people always comment on how fast, strong, and coordinated you look for your age. Your fine motor skills are also amazing, and the things you are able to do with your little fingers blow my mind.

All this energy and personality, however, sometimes seem to come at a high cost, ha! don't get me wrong, you are so cute and sweet it hurts just to look at you. But I think toddlerhood sometimes is just such a miserable time for little guys, with all its frustrations and inability to communicate them verbally, it just makes ground for perfect storms in a lively guy like you. 

One of the challenges we deal with on a daily basis is that, added to your strength, you have developed the most annoying and loud screams on earth. Meaning every time you don't get what you want, how you want it, you just go ballistic, and I have a hard time coping with that, sometimes for an entire hour, on and off throughout the day. If you wake up in a bad mood, you can be a pain all morning and not compose yourself really until after nap time. 

Some nights you don't sleep so well and you wake up crying as if in terrible pain, or have night terrors that make you act like crazy screaming and rolling around all over the floor, and nothing will make you stop.  We haven't quite figured out what is going on there. And sometimes it happens night after night, to the point we are starting to think there might be a food allergy involved. Those days you are no fun to be around during the day.

Too many bubbles...

This brings me to breastfeeding and why we, or I, haven't built up the courage to wean you completely. You still nurse to have a nap and to go to sleep at night, and when you wake up through the night (which is still often). I am so ready to stop nursing, since you are now pretty demanding and you just like to treat my body as if  I am made of Playdo, which is not very enjoyable. But I am just scared of your reaction if I just refused to nurse you :S. I am also so afraid you are going to be heart broken, but I guess everyone feels like that...

Other little quirks you have developed are having a banana every morning, but it has to be an unopened one (even if you have already had part of one minutes before), and you have to say when, where and how we opened it, or else we will have to pick out a new banana and start over. You are following Paulo's steps in the quirks department, as you start to demand milk a certain way, in a specific bottle. You also hate wearing shoes and sweaters (which makes for INTERESTING morning routines), and you are OBSESSED with the word "dangerous/peligroso)" as well as actual dangerous objects which you want to always have, such as blades, knifes, screwdrivers, etc. 

Last, some of your favourite things are eating, running wild, watering plants... and your brother. You guys are on each other all the time, but you are just crazy in love with your brother. You have to say all the same things, imitate everything he does, wear the same clothes, to the point you want to wear his clothes even if they don't fit. You always want to sleep in his bedroom at bed time, right until the last minute when you bail and just come to your own bed to nurse. And when you two do get along and play, you play SO WELL. You giggle and run and jump around so much, my heart could explode.

I could go on and on for pages so I will just stop here. I love you more than I will ever be able to say. You are my little bichito :).

Paulo - 4.5

Paulo, Paulito, Muneco,

You have grown so much! you are such a little boy now. You have just finished your 1st year of Kindergarten and you have moved on the Senior Kindergarten and French Immersion in September!!

First I want to say I am so proud of everything you have learned and the big effort you put into that school year. You had such a positive spirit about it. Not once did I hear you complain about not wanting to go to school, and even if some days you were a little sad and not staying at home, you still went and had a good time.

You have learned all your letters, to read and write them, and are starting to notice what words start with which letters. You can count to 100 with some assistance (basically all the 10s, 20s, 30s, etc, instead of saying "twenty-ten" for example), and you can also write most numbers, with the exception of the same ones I used to have trouble with, like switching the 2 for the 5, 6 for 9 etc).

But despite all the academics you learned, that was not the most important achievement in my eyes. I think you kicked butt at learning to make friends and coming out of your shell. You started out this quiet little boy, very shy and a bit afraid maybe of those older boys. But by the end of it you were just part of them and made some really good friendships like your best friend Jayden. You were also known with your teachers for being very kind, polite, sweet, and inquisitive.



And with age also comes a bit of light of what growing up will be like. You are indeed very inquisitive, very observant and analytic. You want to know why EVERYTHING. And you are now starting to notice what people do and say. You will often apply my logic when I am arguing with you. You will ask me what are "good words" and "bad words", why people use them, etc. You will ask things like "what happens when someone dies" and "is death like sleeping", "why does so and so have 2 moms", you will ask about body parts, and private parts :). For a while there you were OBSESSED with smoking: what is smoking, why do people smoke, why do they smoke if it makes them sick, can boys smoke, what happens if boys smoke, why do people throw their cigarrette butts on the ground, etc. Needless to say, some of your questions throw me for a loop, give me anxiety or just plain scare me.

One of your biggest challenges right now is to cope with your brother. When he pokes you, hits you, yells at you , etc, which is often, you just take it, and then come to me crying. It is hard on all of us because it happens all the time. So we are trying to work on getting you to express your feeling to your brother and to stand up for yourself by telling him to stop, and work out those little issues between the two of you. A big job and not easy. But sometimes you are very patient, and it is evident to me that even if he drives you nuts, you always look out for your brother and you do enjoy playing with him.

 One thing I have noticed lately and which I love, is that you have developed a little positive dialogue inside. As in, when I spill something on the floor and get mad about it, you will say "don't worry, it won't stain the floor", or if your dad breaks something by accident, you will say "don't worry daddy, it still works".

On the flip side, another thing we are working on is on helping you cope when you get a "NO". You are just not very used to hearing a no and accepting. You are always negotiating with us and you are so persistent, we have gotten used to giving in to a degree. However, we have realized that sometimes this is a bit harmful, since you just can't cope with a no, when we finally mean it. This is a tough one for you, but I trust we will eventually teach you there is life after a "no".

Finally, some of your favourite things are definitely sports, building toys, and art. Most of your time is spent either riding your bike, which you LOVE, playing soccer (which you are very good at), swimming, etc; You also spend a lot of time playing with your Lego, Plus Plus, Magna Tiles, or any kind of building toy; also, painting, making collages, or folding/taping paper is also right up on your list of things you enjoy doing. All this has developed your little imagination and I can proudly say that you prefer any of these things way more than watching TV, and you will often ignore or flat out turn off the TV to go play one of these things.

Paulo, I could have a job talking about all I love about you but I will finish here, just to tell you, you are a sweet, silly, happy and smart little boy. You are persistent, friendly, confident, kind and easy to get along. I love you muchisimo my little guy :).

Paulo - 3.5 years

Paulo, you are 3.5 years old! Amazing how time flies, and how much you change in just a bit of time. Right now the most overwhelming thing in the horizon is that in just a month you will be starting Junior Kindergarten! Granted, you are not quite 4 yet, so you will be one of the young ones in the class. Still, it is amazing how far you have come since the beginning of the year when I just couldn't picture you going to school on your own.

In general, you are quite the big boy now that wants to do it all by yourself and doesnt want anybody's help. This applies to going bathroom, and a lot of other things, except eating. You still want my help for that even though you can manage fine on your own. However you always want me to hold your toast for you so you dont get your hands messy with the jam, or you just wait until I spoon feed you your soup etc.

You are so much easier to be around now. You still have your little quirks and are definitely stubborn and like things a certain way. For example, every.single.morning. you want to come down the stairs, lay on the couch, and drink your milk in front of the cartoons. Any variation of this causes a guaranteed meldown. I am not to speak to you until you are all the way down the stairs, your milk must be a certain temprature, and no one is to be seating in your "spot", your one pillow should be where your head goes and the flower pattern MUST be facing upwards... phew.This is a lot to arrange and sometimes drives daddy nuts when he forgets "the rules". You have lots of little quirks like these, but in general you communicate so well, and start to reason with us in a way that you are pretty easy to be around now.

In terms of your relationship with your brother it is getting SO much better, and that of course makes me SO happy. You barely ever fight with your brother anymore. You still get frustrated at him, but mostly because you don't want him to touch the Ipad, destroy your block towers, or mess with whatever you are playing with. However, I see more and more of you two being silly together, running around getting Emilio to chase you, or just laughing with him.

You are a little bit shy, but you are a very well adapted kid. You play well with your friends and always want them to come home to play. you NEVER fight with them, which is something I am very proud about. I still try to help you find ways to stand up for yourself, because the way other kids normally act means they sometimes mistake your quietness with being a pushover, and they may not be so nice to you sometimes.  So I always encourage you to respectfully ask other kids not to treat you that way.

About 2 months ago we finally dropped your afternoon nap. You still went down pretty well, but it almost always meant you were awake by 10.30 or sometimes 11 a.m. and didnt seem to matter how much excersize you got in the day. I finally caved down to end the naps because that meant you woke up tired every morning. It was a difficult transition and you were a mess every afternoon, but it is slowly getting better every day. I still can't take you out in the car in the afternoons, and it means you have to go to sleep super early. However it is nice you have you asleep effortlessly by 8 p.m. and you sleep straight until 8 a.m. the next morning.

Another change that came about with the elimination of your nap is the kind of things you like. It is amazing that when you used to nap, you used to love your bike, begged to go on it all the time, and had ZERO interest in anything that required you to sit down and focus, i.e. crafts, puzzles, painting, building, etc. However, now that you are tired by noon, you are OBSESSED with all those activities. You love puzzles, LOVE painting with watercolors, markers, stamps; you can spend hours building with your blocks and your legos, and you have a noticeable obsession with patterns : drawing lines, lining up your cars, building block patterns, etc. are all favourite activities of your now.

I can go on and on about you at 3.5 years old, but one more thing I quite like about you now is that your are very affectionate. You give hugs and kisses, and always tell us that you love us. Sometimes you even "accidentally" hug your brother!

You are my little guy and I love you so so much. Te quiero con todo mi corazon chiquis.

Happy Birthday Paulo - 4 years!!

Happy Birthday Paulo!

Unbelievable that you are 4 today. You are such a "big" boy now, and you can do so many things that I just could not picture you doing even six months ago. Some new things you can do now:

- you love brushing your own teeth, and I have to really convince you to even let me just check them.

- you can pretty much dress yourself with some help. You can put your on shoes, jacket, socks, etc. although you don't always do it because you want us to.

- you can go bathroom all on your own. You don't even let me hang out in the bathroom with you most times!!

- I think the biggest thing for me is you understand everything very well, and it is just easier to do things with you. For example, you can hang out by yourself while I put your brother down for his nap. You prefer to wait in the car when I have to do a quick run to the store.

- you can submerge your head in the water. We have not been so diligent to take you swimming, mostly due to lack of time and logistics, but it is such a big milestone that you now love to put on your goggles and submerge your face in the water.

Another big change with you is your bedtime routine. Since you started school in September you are so exhausted in the afternoons that by 6.30 you are more than ready to go to b ed. We have done some changes in our daily routine, mostly meaning you don't get to hang out with daddy as long in the evenings. But when he comes home he takes you straight to bed and after reading one or two stories, you are out in no time. And then you sleep for 12 or even13 hours, only waking up  once to come into  our bed with daddy. You also sleep so soundly that almost NoTHING wakes you up.

The other funny thing is now you have started being really afraid of the dark. You always want company to go into a dark room and you want to sleep with a bright night light on. This never used to happen, and is probably a sign of your growing awareness.

You love school, and have new friends who you always run around with. You are a quiet little boy, and surely like your own space, and your peace and quiet. You are not one to spend hours being loud and being crazy, you soon have enough and if you don't have a rest you just lose it.

You are kind, you don't like to fight, you are a good sharer, you are helpful, you are inquisitive, and a little unusual. You like cars, dinosaurs, space, jellyfish, and ninja turtles. Your favourite toys are definitely your cars, but you have a new appreciation for crafts (mainly painting, colouring, papercutting), and sports.

It is hard to describe your whole personality in one page, but this is my best try. You are such an affectionate little boy. I love you with all my heart :).

Paulo the bike rider

Paulo can now ride a bike without training wheels. It happened over the Easter Long weekend on April 3rd, when in the morning, I took his training wheels off and took him outside to ride the bike. He got on the bike, and I went the whole speech again:

- You WILL fall down many times. You just will. But you have to stay strong, get up and try again. Every time you get back on your back you will be better at it. 

- If you start feeling wobbly it means you have to pedal a little faster.

- watch the road. 

So he went on the bike, I held the back of his seat. He started pedaling but kept forgetting to steer the bike and kept going to the side of the road. We stopped, talked about why that was happening. 

He got back on the bike, started pedaling, and soon he was riding very stable on a straight line. I started loosening my grip on his seat, and he was fine. Then I let go. And he just kept going. For a long time. I ran in front of him and put my hand up showing him he had done it, and he was riding by himself. And then he had a huge smile on his face. That whole thing took 10 minutes, at most.

After that, he never fell fell down. Next we taught him how to start on his own (without a push) and he mastered that within minutes as well. And ever since then, he has been riding the bike non-stop every afternoon, and riding it to and from school every day. I have now started riding my bike with him when I pick him up from school and Emilio is napping. 

I have also noticed (and this might be a coincidence or not), but ever since his learning to ride the bike without training wheels, he seems to have gained so much more confidence in everything. He has made better friends with the boys at his school, talks to his teachers, talks to our neighbors, etc. I really do notice a big change in him in that respect.

Paulo is almost 4 and a half years, and started riding his balance bike since he was 2 years old. :)

Emilio - 2 Years Old

Emilio, bichito. I have been trying to write a post about you since you were 1 and a half, but you have kept me so busy, it turns out this one is going to have to be about your 2nd Birthday.

I just cant believe we are at this stage of your life. I have vivid memories of when your brother turns two, just before you were born. He seemed like such a big boy, or at least that's how I remember it. Yet I see you at this age and you are still sort of a baby. Except you can cause soooo much more trouble, ha! I look back at when you were born and it feels like you were born in the middle of a whirlwind. Your daddy had just started a new job, your brother just started staying at home with me, I had two jobs, one part-time job in downtown and another contracting job at home. We were moving across the country with this family and a tiny little baby, we were going to Mexico for a month!

Phew, then we finally managed to move here to Ottawa and that first year of your life was SO TOUGH on me. Living in a new city had not much to do with that. But just the amount of craziness I had to deal with being at home with you, a brand new baby, and your brother, the two-year-old. 

Last year your brother started school and you instantly became my little sidekick. You are such a sweet heart little boy. You have become quite the trouble maker lately (which I will talk about in a moment) but in essence, you are such a sweet boy. 

Superficially, you are just over the top handsome. You turn heads everywhere you go and people always comment on what a beautiful boy you are and what a knock out you will be when you grow up. You have the widest, brightest eyes, and the most beautiful smile, with all teeth but half a molar in it. 

You are such a happy, loving little boy. If you wake up in a good mood, which used to be almost every day, you just run around, you dance, you scream and jump in happiness. You light up a room. you are a loud and cheeky little monkey. You are also VERY affectionate. You give the best kisses, cuddles and hugs. You are the most affectionate with me, and will come up to me and just give me a big kiss in the mouth. you are so sweet. You have also become quite attached to your daddy in the last few months, and you love giving him big hugs, climbing on him and just rough housing in general. But when you are tired or hungry, you want no one but mommy.

Speaking of tired and hungry, you are still nursing, mostly at night. You always nurse to nap, and sometimes when you wake up cranky. You always nurse to sleep at night and still wake up tons in the night. You have gone through months of terrible teething pains and that basically destroyed my sleep and sanity, since you were latched on to me every minute of the night, scratching my chest and just doing all kinds of annoying things that drove me to the point of deciding to night wean you. We started to try and it was so tough, and then you got sick with pink eye and a cough and it all went out the window. At the moment you are going through some bad days again and I am just anxiously waiting so we can start over with the night weaning. 

Your latest most annoying quirks (besides the fact that in general, you entered the terrible two's full force, as if you didn't have a strong head already) are that you HATE wearing a diaper at night, to the point that if I put one on: a. you will cry and scream so loud you could probably throw up b. you wake up every 30 mins of the night pissed off because you are wearing a diaper. 

The other annoying thing about you lately is that you have decided that you HATE winter and everything about it. You want nothing to do with going outside, getting bundled up, and on top of it, you want me to stay inside with you at all times. I cannot tell you enough what a pain in the butt you have been in the last month, ha! 

You started Playschool in September and had a rough start, but now you are used to it and I think even enjoy it, except for the fact that I am not there. You were handling it okay until this recent bad phase you are having, and now you are having huge separation anxiety issues, even with your Nana!!! who you had no problem staying with before.

On good days, you will  wake up around 7 a.m., sleep no more that 1 hour and 15 mins, from about 11.30 or 12 to 12.45 or 1.15 p.m. and then go to sleep around 7 or 7.30 p.m. 

You are definitely very different that your brother in your likes and dislikes (even though really, you want to do EVERYTHING your brother does), which makes sense because you have had basically the life of an older boy, following your brother around. 

some of the things that describe you at 2:

- Your language skills have exploded!!! you were kind of a late talker compared to Paulo, but once you did, about 6 months ago, your just made yourself very articulate and understood right away.

- You are a very domestic boy (probably from being around me all the time at home). You love sweeping, dusting, cleaning things, "fixing" things with your tools; you love babies and loving on people. Your favourite games involve shopping carts, dolls, strollers and pots and pans. Besides anything physical such as running or jumping on beds.

- You LOVE animals, especially cats, which is what comes more available here.

- You are not much of a book reader, unless you are alone with me or your daddy. If your brother is around, you are just not interested.

-Your physical skills are over the top, insane, You are fearless, you are strong, coordinated, meticulous, refined with your hands.

- You are Paulos absolute, loyal, #1 fan. Even though like a typical 2 year old, you are starting to make your voice heard and have become a bit aggressive lately, you just love getting your brother's attention, doing everything he does, the way he does it, and just bend over backwards to get a laughter out of him.

- You are amazing at sharing. Sure sometimes you just wont share. But most of the time, if people ask you politely, you will share.

- You are a very polite little boy. EVERYTHING is please and thank you and bless you with you.

That's about everything I can think of right now about you. We love you so much it hurts little guy. I am so glad you will always be my baby boy.