This year has been a year full of reflection and introspection for me. Funny, because even though I didn't make any resolutions for this year, I have thought about many changes I would like to make in our lives, especially in terms of our health and the way we parent. Some of these thoughts I have actually put into action and have stuck for almost a year now. They have had real consequences for our health and I just want to write it all down to remember how this whole new lifestyle came about.
It is difficult to keep this short because I feel that I can have a whole conversation about each of these topics but I only have limited time to talk about this so I will have to be brief, hopefully describing all the essence of my thoughts:
- The first big change in our life since the start of this year has been dramatically reducing and almost eliminating sugar and refined carbohydrates from our diet. We have also greatly reduced other unhealthy foods (i.e. potato chips, which I'm addicted to), but the main focus has been on sugar. It all started when I read the book "Fat Chance: Beating the Odds against sugar, processed food, obesity and disease" by Robert Lustig. I always considered us to be a healthy family, always thought I chose healthy foods for our kids and believed I was moderating our consumption of sugar. Everything in moderation, right? Well, this book really opened my eyes and helped me realized the amount of sugar that is present in processed foods, even when you least expected. We are not big on processed foods, but I realized the amounts of sugar my kids were getting from things like flavoured yoghurt, juice, bread and the occasional canned vegetables for example was worrying and inacceptable. So I decided to try to eat as much "real food" as possible. No more quick, grab-and-go, so-called healthy snacks for my kids, no more "convenience' food, no more trusting the food industry with their "healthful", "natural" claims. We now have a diet based on whole foods, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, lots of beans and legumes, dairy and meats, and I bake my own bread every week, we are not scared of fat anymore. Rob and I have done a few 30 day challenges where we go without sugar and honestly, the last time I didn't even miss it, so I tried to keep that diet. I wouldn't say it is perfect at all, and actually I find it really hard to protect the kids from the sugar-obsessed environment. But I try really hard, even if it means having mixed feeling about allowing kids to have a "normal" childhood vs. a "healthy" one (these many times are conflicted). Anyway, this year we got sick in September (1 month after the start of school) for the 1st time, and I am suspicious that our new diet had a lot to do with our staying healthy this long.
- Another thing I have consciously tried to do on purpose has been to spend more time outside with the kids. I was inspired by a few videos and articles I read about the Forest Kindergarten and other school that really promote building a connection with kids and their environment. Their values resonated with me and I also have experienced first hand the benefits of spending time outside with the kids. This is the thing: I know many parents who are afraid of taking their kids camping, or doing hiking trips or the like, because they are afraid their kids are going to act crazy and it is going to be too difficult to control them. But honestly? Every time we take our kids outside they have SO MUCH FUN, they don't even look at me. I don't know if my kids are the exception, but I doubt it. I think kids just thrive outdoors, and they learn so much from physical ability to mental focus, to strategy, to science, etc. it seems even cruel or negligent to deprive kids of outdoors and nature. I do recognize there are families that are waaay more outdoorsy than us, but I am really trying to make an effort to spend more hours outside every day, even if it is just playing soccer in our street.
- This one is closely related to the previous point and more about our parenting. I recently read Jessica Lahey's book The Gift of Failure. I didn't think this book was extraordinary like other books in the way it is written , but I think it's message is very valuable, very clearly stated and well document with research and not just anecdotal. The message really resonated with me: back off from your children, give them space, let them fail, make mistakes, and learn for themselves. This book presents the idea that even if our intentions are good, trying to save kids from our fears and trying to "help" them do things "better" or "easier" , when we intervene to save or help or children, we are doing more harm than good. We are undermining their ability to do things on their own, and depriving them of the sense of achievement. Depriving them of those incredible feeling of doing things all by yourself. And later in life, these feeling or not being able to do things on their own translate to the real world, resulting in kids, teenagers, young adults who are afraid to go out in the world and take risks, make friendships, find jobs, etc. This whole philosophy really resonates with me, because I think it described exactly what happened to me while growing up. I know my parents' intention were always the best, and I won't dare say I parent any better than them. But I suspect that it was their own fears sometimes, or their desire to make my life more comfortable than they had it, that motivated them to overprotect me to the point that many times I felt crippled, frustrated and incapable. I think on a subconscious level that might have been the reason why I was always looking for opportunities to travel and live in other countries. If you ask me one of the things I most enjoyed about traveling, was the feeling of "surviving" on my own. A feeling I didn't experience much at home. Another component of this philosophy is how modern society expects parents to be excessively monitoring their children. And when parents excessively intervene in their children's play or when they make themselves excessively visible, interactions between children change dramatically. I could not agree more with this. If I think about the times I have watched my kids show affection to each other and play peacefully while having contagious belly laughs, looking after each other, showing tolerance, patience and fraternal love, is when my presence hasn't been obvious. This happens when I am focused in cooking and they are left to play (and get bored) and their own, when I have left them outside playing while I go back inside to get or do something, when I am (or pretending to be) "busy" in the backyard while they are just there playing on their own. I know a lot of parents (including my very own) could interpret this as borderline neglect, or uninvolved or just plain wrong, but honestly, I have seen some of these very same parents literally ruin moments of play, or relationships between sibling, or even their own relationships with their kids by constantly intervening, unnecessarily mediating between children, nagging, correcting, criticizing, etc. And it is these same parents who always make remarks to say my kids are very independent and they wish their kids were able to play and have fun without constantly needing them to step in or play with them.
As I mentioned before, and as it has become clear, I can rant forever about all this and I have run out of time. But these 3 are things that I have dedicated a lot of thought and effort to, and just wanted to write it down.
