Emilio's {Home} Birth Story

Emilio René was born on Monday, January 21st, 2013 at 8:48 p.m., weighing 3.8 kgs and measuring 52 cms.

This baby's birth story blows my mind. It is the craziest and at the same time most normal experience I have ever had in my entire life.

First I will talk about the decision to have a home birth. It is kind of difficult to explain my reasons, but in short, it all starts with the fact that I was very happy with the way Paulo's birth went at the hospital two years ago - it was all pretty much without any interventions, no epidural, natural birth, and the nurses were very respectful and supportive of our birth plan. The birth went amazingly well, and so did my recovery - Paulo was born almost at 4 a.m. and I checked out of the hospital the same day at noon. That being said, there were a few things I wasn't happy about: Rob had to leave the hospital and sleep at home all night, and didn't come back until basically the check out. I spent the entire night trying to get some sleep, but waking up to the multiple noises in the hallway, the woman I was sharing a room with and her crying baby all night; the nurses who were taking our vitals every two hours, the one who came to bathe the baby, the new one who screwed up his temp reading and got him pinched because they thought he had a fever, etc etc.

This time, I thought, I have no warranty that I will get the same treatment during birth (I could end up getting that bitchy nurse everyone else talks about), and if I could improve the experience even more by being more confortable and having more peace, quiet and intimacy during and after the birth, i'd take it.  So after this big parenthesis I'll move on to the birth story.

On Monday morning, 4 days after my due date, I woke up feeling very uncomfortable and soar. I thought maybe that would be the day but I didnt give it too much thought since I didn't want to get my hopes up. Later that morning I went to the mall with my parents. My mom had been sick with pneumonia since they arrived from Mexico and this was the first day she felt well enough to go out, so we just went to do some shopping. We arrived at around 11 a.m. and we must have spent about the next three hours just walking around. I felt very tired and it was getting really difficult to move, as every time I walked my crotch hurt. I also felt lots of contractions, the kind i had been feeling for days, but they were kind of random so I decided not to pay attention.

At 2:00 p.m. we went to get the groceries before picking Paulo up. I got a phone call from Rob to check how I was doing and reminding me that he would not be home for dinner since he had a party from his department at work. I told him not to drink too much just in case because I had been feeling a bit off all day.

At about 3:30 p.m. We went home and my parents droped me off at Paulo's daycare so I could pick him up and walk home. I got Paulo, went home and popped a movie for him so we could all sit down and relax for a while, since I didn't feel like moving at all anymore.

At 4:30 p.m. I started keeping track of the time whenever I got a contraction to see if there was a pattern. I didn't tell anybody I was doing this since I still thought this could all be a false alarm. I started noticing I was having contractions exactly every 13 minutes, and then I thought this could really be happening. I told my parents and continued to keep track of the time until about 5.30 p.m. when we had dinner.

Keeping track of my contractions

 At around 7:00 p.m. The pattern was closer to about 10 to 9 minutes apart and I could definitely feel them, although I could still pretty much ignore them. I put Paulo in the bath and went in with him, and I sent a text to Rob telling him I thought he should come home and have some rest. At this point I was already discussing with my parents how they could keep Paulo distracted in the basement and the possibility of him sleeping downstairs with them, since we would probably be up all night.  Rob texted back that he was on his way home.

Rob arrived at about 7:15 p.m., just as I was taking Paulo out of the bath and about to get him ready for bed. I gave him his bottle of milk while Rob gave the bathroom one more clean up and set-up the car seat just in case we would need it. I read Paulo a book in bed and my mom came to join us. My contractions were getting harder to ignore and pretty painful. My mom kept asking me questions in the middle of them and at one point I had to shush her, as she was really starting to annoy me.

At about 7:45 p.m. My parents took Paulo outside to the living room and Rob and I went to the bedroom to "rest". Rob was lying down but I couldn't, as I was really starting to feel the pain. I paced around the bed and kept lunging and leaning with every contraction. At this point they were about 10 to 9 minutes apart, occasionally 7 and then again 9. I called the midwifes' pager and told the midwife I was in labour. She talked to me for a while and said I still sounded a bit too happy, so we would continue to monitor. She asked me  and to call them when the contractions were closer together, about 6 minutes apart.

A few minutes after hanging up my contractions started getting closer together to about 5- 3 minutes and they were getting really strong. Rob called the midwifes again and the midwife who answered (a different one this time) asked to talk to me on the phone. I had to stop talking during my contractions as they were really painful. She said she was on her way out and would be home in 20 minutes to assess the situation and see where we were at.

As soon as I hung up my contractions got crazy painful and picked up the pace A LOT. I started shaking with every one of them and told Rob I was scared. He told me it would be okay and I had been through this before. At this point my contractions started closing in to 1 minute apart and  I thought this just couldn't be and they were probably going to space out gain. I asked Rob to bring me my water bottle because I was really thirsty. As soon as he left I got another really big contraction and I couldn't believe they were that close together. I thought something had to be wrong. I think it was during this contraction that I felt like it was so strong I was losing my breath. The pressure in my abdomen was incredibly strong, and at this point I felt a burst and a gush of clear,  warm water started spraying down and running down my legs. I couldn't believe it -- my water had just broken!! but I felt so much relief. I started screaming at Rob a couple of times until he heard me. He came back to the room and when I told him what happened he  ran to get some towels to dry the carpet. I removed my clothes (at this point I was still wearing tights, underwear and socks.
 It was 8:46 p.m. and Rob called the midwife to tell her my water had just broken and she let him know she was already on her way. I thought there was no way I could endure this pain all the way until the morning and I had to get in the shower to soothe myself. As I thought this and started making my way just across the other side of the hall to the bathroom I could feel another contraction building up. I rushed into the bathtub and tried to open the water. Then I started feeling such a strong contraction it bent me to my hands and knees as a little bit of water started running down the faucet. I started getting an incredibly strong urge to push. I couldn't believe this was happening. At that point I was scared, and confused, and thought I just couldn't hold the pushing until the midwife got there. I don't know if I called Rob into the bathroom or how/when he got there, but I started grunting and told him to tell my parents to take Paulo downstairs, and that this baby was coming. Rob came back and I continued to push once more and I could definitely feel this baby was going to come out very soon. I had a thought were I remembered one of he midwifes once talking about how if they didn't exist or they where not there for some reason, women would just have babies on their own, and that's just what would happen. I panicked and grunted that this baby was coming. Rob was sitting at the edge of the bathtub saying "yes, I am right here, baby" but I looked to the side and I could just see him sitting on the edge with his calm voice. I pushed again and I felt the baby's head starting to come out. I yelled at Rob once more the baby was coming out and he had to get behind me. At that point I could tell he could not believe what I was saying to him. I reached down and I touched the baby's head. Once again I told Rob the baby was right there and he was going to have to get behing me and catch it. At that point there was a pause and he yelled "holy shit! he is right there!" I kept repeating "the baby is coming out! you have to catch it" and then Rob said "I got it! I got it! I'm right here!" and I pushed once more and I could feel the baby crowning. I remember thinking it was so painful, just like I remembered it, but I was only half way through this thought when I felt the whole head come out (relief!), then what felt like a shoulder, and then an arm. I heard a thump and I looked back and saw the baby sliding to the bathtub. I thought the baby had dropped straight to the floor but then Rob told me he had actually caught the head and torso, but when the rest of the baby came out, the bottom slipped onto the bathtub. Rob picked up the baby, who at that point started crying and with some twists and turns managed to hand me the baby to put him against my chest.  I tried to pull up my shirt to breastfeed the baby. He had stopped crying and was very still just looking at me. I was sort of sitting on my legs, with the cord tangled up around my legs and I felt very unconfortable in this position, being in pain, unable to move, and sitting on the little puddle of cold water that had managed to come out of the faucet in my attempt to run the shower. 

Sometime during this whole drama, Rob tried to call the midwife again. I remember him trying to fiddle with the phone and maybe the baby, or maybe there was no baby yet when he was trying to dial, I can't remember. But once the baby came out Rob called the midwife again and told her the baby was out. She started asking him questions about how much I was bleeding and gave him directions to get towels in the microwave and keep baby warm. While this happened I sat in the bathtub holding the baby and feeling really unconfortable  due to the pain of giving birth, sitting in that hard bathtub in a strange position and the fact that I still had to deliver the placenta. At some point during all this madness I remember telling Rob that we didn't look at the clock to see at what time the baby was born. We looked at the bathroom clock and it was 9:05 p.m. 5 minutes later the midwife arrived.

Baby Emi getting examined by Helen the midwife

So at approximately 9:10 p.m. the midwife arrived and from there it was all about cutting the cord, delivering the placenta, putting me in bed and checking both baby and I were ok (all three midwifes at this point were amazed how healthy we were and how "easy" everything went with baby and I), filling out paperwork, etc. We compared call logs from cellphones and determined that the baby's birth happened at 8:48 p.m. We also noted that between the time my water broke and the time the baby was born there was 2 minutes of separation. Crazy!

Paulo meeting his little brother for the first time

My parents eventually came into the room with Paulo and he got to meet his little brother for the first time. He got on the bed with us and looked at the baby with curiosity and awe, with a little smile on his face all the time. Eventually he was over it and his grandma put him to bed at about 11:00 p.m. He was so exhausted he didn't resist it much. 




Eventually the midwifes left, and by 12:30 p.m. we all were a happy, healthy and complete family tucked in bed and ready to go to sleep.

It took me a couple of hours to fall asleep, and Rob and I talked about the drama of it all but at the same time, how easy everything went. We could not believe what we had just been through, but we were certainly happy it didn't happen in the car on the way to the hospital.

 As far as the whole home birth experience, it all went so quickly that there wasn't really time to think about whether we "enjoyed" or "disliked" it. I can only say that even though it was not at all what I envisioned or expected (now I come to realize that the whole time I was expecting to "re-live" Paulo's birth), I love that it definitely was a very intimate experience and something that had and will continue to bring us together as a family. I was really happy to have Paulo meet his little brother so soon and that all my family had a role to play, and that we all went to sleep under the same roof that night (not to mention the rasing bread toast, fresh orange pieces, and ginger ale with orange juice that my mom brought me to bed after the baby was born). 

Once again, I am more thankful than ever to have such a wonderful family, especially a husband who will be there for me in the most critical moments and who I can trust blindly. For this and of course my baby, Emilio, I am forever grateful.

40 weeks: Of Due Dates and Empty Cribs.

No news is crappy news. Today is my due date and there are no signs of baby yet... bummer. I thought this time around things would be different. This baby seems to be so big and moves so much that at one point I was even worried that it would arrive over Christmas (hello, worst B-day ever!) or before my parents arrived from Mexico. However none of that happened, and little did I know that 40 weeks+1 would arrive and there would be no sign of Mr.

 

My parents arrived last weekend. Yesterday I went to my appointment with the midwifes and everything was in order. I got all the instructions again for when to call them, reminders of everything I should have ready for the home birth and so on. Sofar, contractions have definitely been picking up in that I can feel them more often, but they don't have a pattern to them and the intensity is still pretty "mild".

 

My first son Paulo was actually 10 DAYS late. He was born in the early morning of the day I was supposed to be induced. It was the worst 10 days ever. Well, not really -- 1 night with a screaming newborn while your nipples are on fire will put that into perspective-- but they were pretty bad. I was totally anxious and it got to the point when I got mad whenever somebody said something along the lines of "Awww when are you due?" and I answered "last week" with a grunt and a frown on my face that would make anyone think they were lucky not to have me as a mother.

 

This time though, I thought it would be different. I thought this baby may surprise me and arrive on his due date. Wrong! Well, actually, my original date was the 23rd, and then it was changed after the ultrasound because the baby was "too big". So maybe the 23rd would be a more accurate estimate...? oh well, what do I know, and what do due dates mean anyway???

 

It isn't actually that terrible that the baby is still not here. I get to go on yet one last date night with Rob while my parents are here to babysit Paulo, which is not an opportunity we have often not having a whole lot of family here (Rob's parents are too old to babysit a toddler for too long). I get to sit and have tea with my parents and catch up like in the old times. I get to do useful things like packing for our move in April.

 

Yep, that's what I will do. I will have enoughttime to spend with baby once he arrives. But when that happens I will look back on this time while I cry over how complicated life has become with 2 kids and think I should have embraced this time and enjoyed it. So I will keep it together this time and do just that. No going nuts over empty cribs or any of that sillyness. I will make an active effort to make the most of this wait. Hopefully not for too long though...

Pregnancy Pictures (39 weeks)

It is almost 4 days before my due date and I find that I have gone from scrambling to get everything done before the baby arrives, to trying to keep busy so that I don't go nuts waiting. Every day that goes by there is more of that feeling that somebody is trying to stick his hand out down there (ouch!) and some mild contractions that kind of remind me of when I first felt contractions two years ago... Except I do remember that last time I almost saw stars when I felt them, and that made me realize it was really happening.

So, last Friday it was the first day I kind of had some time to stay in the house and just relax. No laundry to do, no groceries to get, no phone calls to make. And Paulo was at daycare, so I decided to have some "me" time and take some self portraits of my 39 week belly. We had initially asked a friend to take some shots of our family, but considering how close we are to the due date and our inability to arrange a time to meet for a photo shoot, I decided to go ahead and try some of my own (I couldn't take any chances!).





Self Portrait #1

 

It only took about 1,385 shots to get one exactly as I wanted it, but I was pretty happy with the results:



Self Portrait #2

Both pictures where taken at about noon, right against the livingroom window (thus the blinds in the background as I couldn't find a proper backdrop) and exposing for the bright light coming through the window to get my dark profile. The picture was taken with a Nikkor AF-S 50mm 1:1.8 lens. Then I edited in Picasa. Unfortunately I forgot to write down the exposure and other details used.

These shots were really much harder to get than I thought. While doing only a silhouete picture allowed me not to have to worry much about my makeup, facial expression or what I was wearing, it was extremely difficult to make sure I was standing in the right angle, standing up straight, pulling my elbows back enough and sticking my butt out. After a couple of hours and tons of pictures, I was pretty happy with a few, specially these two.

  

Tomorrow a new week begins and it could be a very exciting one. Now to find some more little projects to fill time!

39 weeks - for the last time.

I am now 39 weeks pregnant and our baby is almost here. It is so surreal to think that in a little bit more than 2 weeks we will have a baby no matter what. At this point, i am feeling pretty good considering I am 20 kgs above my normal/starting weight. I am having a hard time moving around, as it feels like my belly gets in the way of everything. It is hard to get up, hard to sit down, and hard to get comfortable in pretty much any position. This has not affected my ability to sleep though, which I think is a nice perk of being pregnant for the second time -- I'm always so exhausted I sleep no matter what!

 

So the countdown to my due date begins here. The thought of a new baby arriving never leaves my mind and I am in a constant state of body awareness reading every signal in my body, trying to decipher whether gas, tiredness, kicks, itches, etc etc are anything related to signs of labour. Then I remind myself that Paulo was 10 days late and born the day I was meant to be induced, so I should not hold my breath for my due date this time.

 

Other than those thoughts, I also find myself a bit nostalgic about this moment in my life.   It is very likely that this is the last time in my life I will be pregnant. Very likely, the last time I carry a life inside of me. The last time I feel those kicks. The last time I hear that wonderful sound of a heartbeat that has the power of silencing the entire world for a moment. You have no idea how sad these thoughts make me...

 

The funny thing is that I was always so sure that I wanted to have only 2 children, and I was so okay with that. And then came Paulo. Being pregnant with him was such an amazing experience (not to mention anything that happened after), that I really felt it was one of the best times of my life by far. Then I started thinking  very differently and by the time we were expecting this baby, I was totally hooked on pregnancy and babies. I really felt I couldn't imagine my life not ever being pregnant again, not ever holding a new baby again, not ever giving my heart away again for the third, or fourth time....

 

I had this conversation with Rob, and he actually felt very differently, in that he still thinks 2 is the perfect number and he actually cannot imagine himself (or me for that matter!!) taking care of 2 or 3 more kids, unless we win the lottery and can have an army of nannies to help with everything from cleaning the house to changing babies in the middle of the night. It doesn't surprise me that he feels that way, considering 1. He is a male and the whole pregnancy experience is very different for him, and 2. he is in the end stuck with the financial responsibility of taking care of this family (mainly because of the traditional roles most of us have grown up with- even if we dont necessarily think like that 100%), especially while I am not working.

 

I have given this whole thing some thought and sadly, I have to admit that even though I value family much more than I do economic status or material goods,  I still think that in our position it would be very difficult to have a big family. I think about things that we enjoy in life besides children, for example traveling, and how difficult it would be to do that with a big family. I can definitely not imagine giving that up, and one of my dreams is precisely traveling with our kids one day and showing them the world, exposing them to other cultures and have new experiences together, just like my parents did with my sister and me. And thinking about doing that with a family of 6 or more is not only a financial impossibility for us, but would probably be a logistical nightmare. Add to that other things such as attending sports camps, hobbies, and yes... education. I guess all this burst my bubble and brought me back to reality: this might very well be my last pregnancy/ baby EVER.  But hey, who knows....tomorrow i'll buy myself a lottery ticket and maybe I'll get lucky :) .

2013: New Year, New Baby, New Life.

This year I started off being thankful for all the blessings we had last year, including having a happy growing family. We are starting with a wonderful new blessing, which will be our new little son who is arriving some time this month. It will be a huge change for us, becoming a family of four and teaching Paulo to take care and love his little brother. I am not sure how that will play out. Paulo is a really sweet little boy. Although he is indeed a toddler, he is very affectionate and not aggressive or possesive at all. Of course no one can predict how he will react to not being #1 anymore or sharing mommy and daddy, but I trust (and I knock on wood) that we will do well eventually.
 

A walk in the park this weekend.

Another exciting thing to look forward to is our visit to Mexico in March. I am so excited about it that I kinda tend to forget there is a baby arriving between then and now. But of course, part of the fun of going there will be bringing our new family member with us and introducing him to the family, enjoying the beach and the great food and wearing shorts and sandals and visiting our old favourite places from when we used to live there, shopping for crafts, etc etc.... sigh.... it will be so much fun I can hardly wait! I am also thrilled to say how Paulo will react hearing so much Spanish around him. We will have to make sure that his dad keeps up the English conversation so that he doesn't start to forget.

 

Finally, one of the HUGHEST changes in our life is that we will be moving east to Ontario by the middle of this year. Turns out Rob got offered a position there with a great company and after thinking and thinking and thinking about it, we have decided that we will be moving there. It was such a hard decision to make. The job itself is really a great opportunity for Rob to grow professionally and it could potentially be the job of his dreams with an excellent organization that values his studies, experience and Spanish-speaking skills. It is also a beautiful area, alhtough I have never actually been there but have always wanted to visit and have heard nothing but good comments it. However, it was difficult to make the decision as it means that we will be leaving the life that we have built in the last 5 years in this city, leave our friends (which were hard to find in the first place, as I especially did not know anybody when we got here), and we will also be leaving Rob's parents. The latter particularly pains me, not just because they are my family too, but mainly because of the thought that we are taking our kids away from their grandparents to a place where they will have NO FAMILY at all. On top of that, Rob's parents are divorced and getting old, which makes it particularly difficult to leave them "on their own" and take their grandchildren away from them.

 

So, when we were trying to make what seemed like an impossible decision,  we realized that, in summary, there were many reasons why we should take this opportunity:

 

1. More than anything, this job could potentially be Rob's dream job, and they were offering everything we ask for without conditions, including moving there until later in the year so that we didn't have to move with a brand new baby, having time off for a vacation and getting our move paid for.

 

2. It is a great city, great area of the country, close to lots of amazing places such as Montreal, NYC, the maritimes, etc.

 

3. We have always liked adventure and seeing new places, have new experiences, etc. and this was probably a great way to do that safely (Rob was going to have a job and get paid to go there), and without major complications as I will not have a job to give up, the kids still don't have to change schools AND we don't own a house or have a mortgage yet.

 

4. It is a temporary change, as we want to set roots here in the long term anyway.

 

5. Grandparents have enough health and means to come and visit anytime, for as long as they want. And although it is hard to leave them, they have had their life and their adventures, and we think it is time for us to be a little selfish and pursue our own dreams, ambicions and create our own adventures. It does not mean that we are abandoning them, but rather that it will just take more effort to stay in touch.

 

6. If Rob did not jump at this opportunity he might always wonder what would have happened if he had sought this opportunity, and not let it go because it was the more "comfortable" or "easy" thing to do.

 

Anyway, these are some of the things that went through our heads, plus another 1000 or so and days and days of deliveration. AND most importantly, a careful financial analysis of what it meant for our family to move.

 

So, I think I have ranted enough and you probably get the picture of why this year will bring some big changes to our lives. It is both exciting and scary at the same time, so I will need to put this one in God's hands and trust that he will guide and enlighten us to make the right decisions.

Rosca de Reyes (Three Wise Men Wreath) - a Mexican tradition for January 6th that I baked this weekend