BIG SURPRISE!!

I have little time to write but I didn't want more time passing by so here I am. The big surprise: I am 21 weeks pregnant. Although, the big surprise factor has passed now and we have gotten pretty used to the news. 

Earlier this year while we were visiting Mexico in February and March we got the big surprise that I was pregnant. Ddidn't know how pregnant at the time, since it was completely unexcpected at the time and we just didn't know when this happened. I remembered being very tired since January and I actually clearly remembered having a convo with Rob where I told him that. If I didn't know it was not possible (because I had my period when I was having this conversation), I would swear that I was pregnant. My body felt different and I felt tired and kind of nauseous. When I was in Mexico this feeling was much stronger and it was really just "wishful thinking" that kept telling me it couldn't be happening. There was actually very slim chances of this happening, but well, what do you know.

Fast forward to May and it turns out I am now 21 weeks and I was around 8/9 weeks when I found out.  

I would be lying if I said it always felt like good news. I may have mumbled a four letter word when that test came out positive. It was such a scary thought to think we were back in square one, looking after a baby when we already had 2 full grown, school-aged kids. To think about all the "stuff" that having a baby again meant: sitting endlessly on a chair breastfeeding, changing diapers, waking up in the night (just when Emi was finally starting to overcome his sleep issues), buying car seats and high chairs, monitors and all that bulky baby equipment. being in charge of 3 KIDS, which meant more business than ever, no down time, less time for me and Rob. And all at a time when I was so close to savouring my "freedon" having Emi starting Kindie in September. I was finally starting to think about getting back to work, or starting a business, having more time to do other things. And on top of that the fact that both Rob and I are older now, the boys are way ahead of this baby, who didn't fit in that picture of the perfect family of four that I had built in my head. Not to mention all I thought friends and family were going to think about this surprise...

Anyway, it is a few months later now and it is amazing how quickly we got used to these news. We have since been to 3 ultrasounds and ever since the 1st one it was so amazing to see that little baby on the screen. To see Rob's face when he saw that first picture. To hear that beautiful sound of a heart beating, which always brings tears to my eyes... 

We have told the boys and they were so excited to hear the news, it was a great relief. They are both really into knowing more about the baby and "babies" in general. They were both at the ultrasound and were so excited to see the baby. Our entire family was great about the news, which was also, a BIG relief somehow. We have also found out since that we are having a little girl, and we couldn't be happier. 

I have really found some peace since we first got these news. I have come to think that although I don't believe in "destiny" or "thinking happening for a reason", in a way I do feel like maybe Rob and I always wanted to try for a 3rd and maybe convinced ourselves that that was not for us, but subconsciously it was still something that we wished we had. I know that for me, realizing I was never going to have a 3rd, when Emilio turned three (because in my mind, it was too late to try for a 3rd), it was really hard and I was really sad about it. It hurt getting rid of all our cloth diapers and my baby carriers and all our cute baby clothes and not saving them for the next one. I know Rob and I often had the conversation about what it would be like to have a 3rd, how he would have liked to have a 3rd and how if we lived in Mexico and had more family around to help, or if we had more money, then we would definitely have a bigger family. It all makes me think that we if we had really disliked the idea of having more kids then we would have really taken matters into our hands and gotten a vasectomy right after having Emi. Why else keep things so potentially risky, right? 

All this long story to say, we are in a really happy place and looking forward to meeting this new baby, sleepless nights, dirty diapers and all!

Emilio - 4 years

Emi,

You have grown so much. The last year has flown by with so many changes. When you turned 3, you had just been weaned and you went through that rough  night terror phase. That lasted a few months and thankfully, we have figured it out and now we know that rest needs to be a priority for you. You just literally can't stop having fun!! you just go, go, go and sleep is like a huge punishment to you, so we are always making sure you are not too overtired or else you will be up in the night screaming and crying like a mad man.
Interestingly, even though you are weaned now, sleep issues are still a big part of our life. Besides the terrors, you seemed to have gone back to having big difficulty falling asleep. You always have to fall asleep eating something and will wake up pretty much every night asking for food. If you do get a snack during the night, then you will sleep in. Otherwise you will wake up really early even if you didn't have a good night sleep, and you will be cranky as hell.
Speaking of sleep, you have also dropped the nap about maybe 6 months ago. You were staying up way too late and so now for the most part you don't nap, unless you have been since too early. This helps you go to sleep early around 7.30 or 8 at night but you are usually pretty tired and miserable in the evening.
Moving on to happier topics, when you have had good sleeps you are so fun to be around. YOu are cheerful, sweet and super helpful. You love helping me around the house and one of your favourite passtimes is helping me prepare dinner or lunch. You just love cooking.
When we go out, you always love going with me anywhere as long as you are not tired or hungry. You are cheerful and chatty and people always comment on how happy you look and how chatty you are.You are very friendly and the kids on the street love hanging out with you. They know they can count on you being willing to play.
You love dancing and always want to be listening to music in the car or wherever we are. You are incredibly active. You even know how to ride your bike without training wheels already!! you are amazing, although you can't still ride for long distances because you get tired but you are really good at it.
You will be starting Kindergarten next year and I have to admit I am a bit worried. You are an incredible kind, respectful and sweet little boy, but I am not sure that the amount of structure in the school systems is designed to help little boys like you. You are incredibly active and have trouble sitting still. You cannot focus for too long and sometimes you have trouble controlling your temperament. You are very emotional and certainly don't like to hear the word "NO". You have no interest in activities such as drawing or anything that requires sitting down for long periods. You mostly enjoy reading books, pretend play, and even building games, but only if somebody is fully engaged with you. Otherwise you get bored and move on.

Little Emi you are such a sweet boy and I love how you always look after your brother and even me when we are sad. You are helpful and just fun to be around. I love you so much!
Mom

Paulo 6

Paulo,

You and your brother are one of my favourite topics to talk about. But time is short and I won't let "perfect " get in the way of "done", so I will try to keep it short.

You are an amazing little boy. It is a strange feeling to know that just 6 years ago you were just this subjective thought, and now you have become a complete, articulate person with his own personality. You are smart, kind, very creative, brave and mature. Since you started Kindergarten you have become the dream student. You are quiet, you are pensive, very creative and you listen very well. In one of your teacher's words: you are the dream student. In the last year or two you have been chosen to carry the wreath on Remembrance Day, receive awards for showing "Respect" at school and most importantly, you continue to love school.

Your dad and I feel that we share a true connection with you. We trust you, you trust us, and we truly admire the person you are becoming.

This time I want to share with you my challenges, and not yours. You and your brother have opened my eyes and I have realize that my challenge with you is to respect who you are and try to preserve that bright mind of yours and encourage you and help you become the best version of yourself. You are brave, and I don't want my fears for you to get in the way of your learning new things. You are authentic, and I don't want my desire for you to fit in to get in the way of you staying true to yourself. You are confident and I don't want my own shyness to rub off on you or my insecurities making you feel you need more friends to feel approved. You are creative, and I don't want our structured world and our need to fit into a mold to block that. In sum, I have to overcome my own limitations to help you foster your amazing self.

And just to finish, a little list of things that you do:

- You have become phisically very coordinated and strong. You climb trees, run, dance very confidently.

- You are OBSESSED with bikes and your bike. You have also recently started riding a cruiser (skateboard) and spend hours outside practicing. You are becoming quite good very fast. You also recently got a scooter and love riding that as well. The amount of energy you have lately is way way above in beyond what you had last year.

- You are learning to read and write at school. It is a challenge to find the time to sit down and practice reading and writing with all the time you spend outdoors, but we try and some days you really enjoy just sitting down and browsing through magazines and writing.

- The odd time you will sit down and start drawing. I don't consider you super keen on drawing, but you are actually good at it, putting lots of details and you always come up with very interesting ideas.

- Even though school has kind of gotten in the way of your creativity, you are big on building things with paper, cardboard, tape, etc. You have an incredible ability to keep yourself busy.

- Tons more than I can talk about, but I just want to mention that despite the fact that you are quiet and serious, you are good at making friends. You even have some friends who are years older than you. But you have made lots of friends in our street and at school. I think they like you because you are kind and respectful, you never hit, push or talk disrespectfully to anyone.

Paulo, chiquis, we love you always,

Mama