I have little time to write but I didn't want more time passing by so here I am. The big surprise: I am 21 weeks pregnant. Although, the big surprise factor has passed now and we have gotten pretty used to the news.
Earlier this year while we were visiting Mexico in February and March we got the big surprise that I was pregnant. Ddidn't know how pregnant at the time, since it was completely unexcpected at the time and we just didn't know when this happened. I remembered being very tired since January and I actually clearly remembered having a convo with Rob where I told him that. If I didn't know it was not possible (because I had my period when I was having this conversation), I would swear that I was pregnant. My body felt different and I felt tired and kind of nauseous. When I was in Mexico this feeling was much stronger and it was really just "wishful thinking" that kept telling me it couldn't be happening. There was actually very slim chances of this happening, but well, what do you know.
Fast forward to May and it turns out I am now 21 weeks and I was around 8/9 weeks when I found out.
I would be lying if I said it always felt like good news. I may have mumbled a four letter word when that test came out positive. It was such a scary thought to think we were back in square one, looking after a baby when we already had 2 full grown, school-aged kids. To think about all the "stuff" that having a baby again meant: sitting endlessly on a chair breastfeeding, changing diapers, waking up in the night (just when Emi was finally starting to overcome his sleep issues), buying car seats and high chairs, monitors and all that bulky baby equipment. being in charge of 3 KIDS, which meant more business than ever, no down time, less time for me and Rob. And all at a time when I was so close to savouring my "freedon" having Emi starting Kindie in September. I was finally starting to think about getting back to work, or starting a business, having more time to do other things. And on top of that the fact that both Rob and I are older now, the boys are way ahead of this baby, who didn't fit in that picture of the perfect family of four that I had built in my head. Not to mention all I thought friends and family were going to think about this surprise...
Anyway, it is a few months later now and it is amazing how quickly we got used to these news. We have since been to 3 ultrasounds and ever since the 1st one it was so amazing to see that little baby on the screen. To see Rob's face when he saw that first picture. To hear that beautiful sound of a heart beating, which always brings tears to my eyes...
We have told the boys and they were so excited to hear the news, it was a great relief. They are both really into knowing more about the baby and "babies" in general. They were both at the ultrasound and were so excited to see the baby. Our entire family was great about the news, which was also, a BIG relief somehow. We have also found out since that we are having a little girl, and we couldn't be happier.
I have really found some peace since we first got these news. I have come to think that although I don't believe in "destiny" or "thinking happening for a reason", in a way I do feel like maybe Rob and I always wanted to try for a 3rd and maybe convinced ourselves that that was not for us, but subconsciously it was still something that we wished we had. I know that for me, realizing I was never going to have a 3rd, when Emilio turned three (because in my mind, it was too late to try for a 3rd), it was really hard and I was really sad about it. It hurt getting rid of all our cloth diapers and my baby carriers and all our cute baby clothes and not saving them for the next one. I know Rob and I often had the conversation about what it would be like to have a 3rd, how he would have liked to have a 3rd and how if we lived in Mexico and had more family around to help, or if we had more money, then we would definitely have a bigger family. It all makes me think that we if we had really disliked the idea of having more kids then we would have really taken matters into our hands and gotten a vasectomy right after having Emi. Why else keep things so potentially risky, right?
All this long story to say, we are in a really happy place and looking forward to meeting this new baby, sleepless nights, dirty diapers and all!
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