It has been almost 3 weeks since you were born and I can't seem to write this down so I won't forget. you are sleeping on my lap right now so I am going to try to type this down before you wake up.
It was 4 days before your due date. We had been anxiously waiting for you to arrive and no sign of you yet, we were getting anxious.
It was a Thursday morning and your Opa, Abuis and I decided to do a trip to Ikea for breakfast and some shopping. We dropped off your brothers at school, headed to Ikea, had breakfast and started our shopping. We walked all the Upper Floor, and as we were near the end of the bottom floor I started feeling very strong pressure between my legs, I started thinking to myself "wow, that is a lot of pressure" and I swear I was half way through this thought, when I suddenly felt like a big pop or snap in there, almost like a rubber band or balloon snapping inside my crutch, and immediately felt A LOT of warm liquid dripping down from between my legs and down my thigh. "Shit!" I thought to myself. It was obvious that my water had broke. I turned around and told my Dad "we need to go! something just popped in there!". My dad ran to find my mom and we started walking fast towards the exit. My first instinct was to say I needed to find a bathroom, but then I thought I shouldn`t waste my time in a bathroom and better rush home. I didn`t have any contractions, so that made me feel a little better.
I was thankful I was wearing black pants. But I couldn`t walk fast enough and there was so much water leaking. We got in the car and my Dad drove while I sat on some cleaning clothes in the car. On the way out I sent a text to Rob and he quickly replied he was on his way home. then I paged the midwife and she called back and told me to call when I got home.
When we got home I ran upstairs and got in the bath. Im not sure why I did this. I didn`t want to be dripping water everywhere but I guess I could have worn a pad. Rob got home soon and then the midwife. she checked the heart beat and my blood pressure and everything was okay. She said we had 18 hours before we had to start a dose of antibiotics (for PGS) and said I should go for a 15 min walk, pump for 15 mins and repeat to start contractions. Once she left, Rob and I went for a walk to the stables and came back but I was too tired to walk anymore. The afternoon seemed to go very quickly. My parents brought the kids from school and we were having dinner when I started feeling something like contractions. They were so mild I could barely tell if they were contractions, but they seemed to come regularly so after a couple I called the midwives. It was around 7 p.m.
The midwives came and set up, checked everything and I was back in the bath. Later in the night I got out to move around a bit, The contractions seemed to pick up from there. Rob and I made a pool and he bet baby would be born at 9 and I said 8.30. I was trying to walk and pace around but my feet hurt too much from standing, so I got back in the bath. I got on my hands and knees and kinda started bouncing on my knees. The contractions were quickly starting to get stronger. I help Rob`s hand (he was sitting outside). I remember at one point the contractions were getting so strong I started to remember the pain of birth. My body started shaking they were so painful. It was like electricity shocking my body tight into a ball. I told Rob I was very scared. He said I shouldn`t be scared, I had done that before. After that point I think I only had a handful of contractions so strong I had to moan really loud. I just remember thinking, they were sopainful, I only had to do a few more horrible ones and then it would be over. After that thought it is all just a blur. I dont remember what anyone else was saying or doing. I dont remember if I was even holding Robs hand anymore or not. I only remember my body taking over again. I didn`t have to do anything. There was only one thing to do and it was to let that baby out. I could feel her head slowly coming out and then finally the whole head. it was hard to push the rest of her body out but it was such a relief when it did. Then I remember the midwife saying she had her and she would pass her under the water beneath my leg and onto my chest. I dont remember seeing any of this until she was on my chest. I saw her eyes and her hair. Lots of dark hair, and her body covered in white vernix. Pale skin. She was crying and I kept saying "you re okay, youre okay". you were born at 9.31 p.m.
After that I went to bed and while I was being cared for, daddy was holding you skin to skin in bed. Later I was tucked in with you, and you fed while we all chatted and looked at your brothers books. They were sound asleep by then, even though they were anxious to see you. Your Abuis and Opa came upstairs to see you and they brought me apple slices and cheese and water. Your Nana was sound asleep.
They finally weighed and measured you «« 8 lbs 6 oz, just like your brother Emilio, and 52 cm, just 1 cm short of your brothers.
You were beautiful, big, and with very pink round cheeks. You were squeaky and squirmy and has so much dark hair, but white eyebrows and white little hairs all over your body and face. and your eyes were the same as your brothers.
You were so loved from the very beginning of your life. I felt so lucky that you chose us, little angel... how lucky we are all to have you.
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
BIG SURPRISE!!
I have little time to write but I didn't want more time passing by so here I am. The big surprise: I am 21 weeks pregnant. Although, the big surprise factor has passed now and we have gotten pretty used to the news.
Earlier this year while we were visiting Mexico in February and March we got the big surprise that I was pregnant. Ddidn't know how pregnant at the time, since it was completely unexcpected at the time and we just didn't know when this happened. I remembered being very tired since January and I actually clearly remembered having a convo with Rob where I told him that. If I didn't know it was not possible (because I had my period when I was having this conversation), I would swear that I was pregnant. My body felt different and I felt tired and kind of nauseous. When I was in Mexico this feeling was much stronger and it was really just "wishful thinking" that kept telling me it couldn't be happening. There was actually very slim chances of this happening, but well, what do you know.
Fast forward to May and it turns out I am now 21 weeks and I was around 8/9 weeks when I found out.
I would be lying if I said it always felt like good news. I may have mumbled a four letter word when that test came out positive. It was such a scary thought to think we were back in square one, looking after a baby when we already had 2 full grown, school-aged kids. To think about all the "stuff" that having a baby again meant: sitting endlessly on a chair breastfeeding, changing diapers, waking up in the night (just when Emi was finally starting to overcome his sleep issues), buying car seats and high chairs, monitors and all that bulky baby equipment. being in charge of 3 KIDS, which meant more business than ever, no down time, less time for me and Rob. And all at a time when I was so close to savouring my "freedon" having Emi starting Kindie in September. I was finally starting to think about getting back to work, or starting a business, having more time to do other things. And on top of that the fact that both Rob and I are older now, the boys are way ahead of this baby, who didn't fit in that picture of the perfect family of four that I had built in my head. Not to mention all I thought friends and family were going to think about this surprise...
Anyway, it is a few months later now and it is amazing how quickly we got used to these news. We have since been to 3 ultrasounds and ever since the 1st one it was so amazing to see that little baby on the screen. To see Rob's face when he saw that first picture. To hear that beautiful sound of a heart beating, which always brings tears to my eyes...
We have told the boys and they were so excited to hear the news, it was a great relief. They are both really into knowing more about the baby and "babies" in general. They were both at the ultrasound and were so excited to see the baby. Our entire family was great about the news, which was also, a BIG relief somehow. We have also found out since that we are having a little girl, and we couldn't be happier.
I have really found some peace since we first got these news. I have come to think that although I don't believe in "destiny" or "thinking happening for a reason", in a way I do feel like maybe Rob and I always wanted to try for a 3rd and maybe convinced ourselves that that was not for us, but subconsciously it was still something that we wished we had. I know that for me, realizing I was never going to have a 3rd, when Emilio turned three (because in my mind, it was too late to try for a 3rd), it was really hard and I was really sad about it. It hurt getting rid of all our cloth diapers and my baby carriers and all our cute baby clothes and not saving them for the next one. I know Rob and I often had the conversation about what it would be like to have a 3rd, how he would have liked to have a 3rd and how if we lived in Mexico and had more family around to help, or if we had more money, then we would definitely have a bigger family. It all makes me think that we if we had really disliked the idea of having more kids then we would have really taken matters into our hands and gotten a vasectomy right after having Emi. Why else keep things so potentially risky, right?
All this long story to say, we are in a really happy place and looking forward to meeting this new baby, sleepless nights, dirty diapers and all!
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Emilio - 4 years
Emi,
You have grown so much. The last year has flown by with so many changes. When you turned 3, you had just been weaned and you went through that rough night terror phase. That lasted a few months and thankfully, we have figured it out and now we know that rest needs to be a priority for you. You just literally can't stop having fun!! you just go, go, go and sleep is like a huge punishment to you, so we are always making sure you are not too overtired or else you will be up in the night screaming and crying like a mad man.
Interestingly, even though you are weaned now, sleep issues are still a big part of our life. Besides the terrors, you seemed to have gone back to having big difficulty falling asleep. You always have to fall asleep eating something and will wake up pretty much every night asking for food. If you do get a snack during the night, then you will sleep in. Otherwise you will wake up really early even if you didn't have a good night sleep, and you will be cranky as hell.
Speaking of sleep, you have also dropped the nap about maybe 6 months ago. You were staying up way too late and so now for the most part you don't nap, unless you have been since too early. This helps you go to sleep early around 7.30 or 8 at night but you are usually pretty tired and miserable in the evening.
Moving on to happier topics, when you have had good sleeps you are so fun to be around. YOu are cheerful, sweet and super helpful. You love helping me around the house and one of your favourite passtimes is helping me prepare dinner or lunch. You just love cooking.
When we go out, you always love going with me anywhere as long as you are not tired or hungry. You are cheerful and chatty and people always comment on how happy you look and how chatty you are.You are very friendly and the kids on the street love hanging out with you. They know they can count on you being willing to play.
You love dancing and always want to be listening to music in the car or wherever we are. You are incredibly active. You even know how to ride your bike without training wheels already!! you are amazing, although you can't still ride for long distances because you get tired but you are really good at it.
You will be starting Kindergarten next year and I have to admit I am a bit worried. You are an incredible kind, respectful and sweet little boy, but I am not sure that the amount of structure in the school systems is designed to help little boys like you. You are incredibly active and have trouble sitting still. You cannot focus for too long and sometimes you have trouble controlling your temperament. You are very emotional and certainly don't like to hear the word "NO". You have no interest in activities such as drawing or anything that requires sitting down for long periods. You mostly enjoy reading books, pretend play, and even building games, but only if somebody is fully engaged with you. Otherwise you get bored and move on.
Little Emi you are such a sweet boy and I love how you always look after your brother and even me when we are sad. You are helpful and just fun to be around. I love you so much!
Mom
You have grown so much. The last year has flown by with so many changes. When you turned 3, you had just been weaned and you went through that rough night terror phase. That lasted a few months and thankfully, we have figured it out and now we know that rest needs to be a priority for you. You just literally can't stop having fun!! you just go, go, go and sleep is like a huge punishment to you, so we are always making sure you are not too overtired or else you will be up in the night screaming and crying like a mad man.
Interestingly, even though you are weaned now, sleep issues are still a big part of our life. Besides the terrors, you seemed to have gone back to having big difficulty falling asleep. You always have to fall asleep eating something and will wake up pretty much every night asking for food. If you do get a snack during the night, then you will sleep in. Otherwise you will wake up really early even if you didn't have a good night sleep, and you will be cranky as hell.
Speaking of sleep, you have also dropped the nap about maybe 6 months ago. You were staying up way too late and so now for the most part you don't nap, unless you have been since too early. This helps you go to sleep early around 7.30 or 8 at night but you are usually pretty tired and miserable in the evening.
Moving on to happier topics, when you have had good sleeps you are so fun to be around. YOu are cheerful, sweet and super helpful. You love helping me around the house and one of your favourite passtimes is helping me prepare dinner or lunch. You just love cooking.
When we go out, you always love going with me anywhere as long as you are not tired or hungry. You are cheerful and chatty and people always comment on how happy you look and how chatty you are.You are very friendly and the kids on the street love hanging out with you. They know they can count on you being willing to play.
You love dancing and always want to be listening to music in the car or wherever we are. You are incredibly active. You even know how to ride your bike without training wheels already!! you are amazing, although you can't still ride for long distances because you get tired but you are really good at it.
You will be starting Kindergarten next year and I have to admit I am a bit worried. You are an incredible kind, respectful and sweet little boy, but I am not sure that the amount of structure in the school systems is designed to help little boys like you. You are incredibly active and have trouble sitting still. You cannot focus for too long and sometimes you have trouble controlling your temperament. You are very emotional and certainly don't like to hear the word "NO". You have no interest in activities such as drawing or anything that requires sitting down for long periods. You mostly enjoy reading books, pretend play, and even building games, but only if somebody is fully engaged with you. Otherwise you get bored and move on.
Little Emi you are such a sweet boy and I love how you always look after your brother and even me when we are sad. You are helpful and just fun to be around. I love you so much!
Mom
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