39 weeks - for the last time.

I am now 39 weeks pregnant and our baby is almost here. It is so surreal to think that in a little bit more than 2 weeks we will have a baby no matter what. At this point, i am feeling pretty good considering I am 20 kgs above my normal/starting weight. I am having a hard time moving around, as it feels like my belly gets in the way of everything. It is hard to get up, hard to sit down, and hard to get comfortable in pretty much any position. This has not affected my ability to sleep though, which I think is a nice perk of being pregnant for the second time -- I'm always so exhausted I sleep no matter what!

 

So the countdown to my due date begins here. The thought of a new baby arriving never leaves my mind and I am in a constant state of body awareness reading every signal in my body, trying to decipher whether gas, tiredness, kicks, itches, etc etc are anything related to signs of labour. Then I remind myself that Paulo was 10 days late and born the day I was meant to be induced, so I should not hold my breath for my due date this time.

 

Other than those thoughts, I also find myself a bit nostalgic about this moment in my life.   It is very likely that this is the last time in my life I will be pregnant. Very likely, the last time I carry a life inside of me. The last time I feel those kicks. The last time I hear that wonderful sound of a heartbeat that has the power of silencing the entire world for a moment. You have no idea how sad these thoughts make me...

 

The funny thing is that I was always so sure that I wanted to have only 2 children, and I was so okay with that. And then came Paulo. Being pregnant with him was such an amazing experience (not to mention anything that happened after), that I really felt it was one of the best times of my life by far. Then I started thinking  very differently and by the time we were expecting this baby, I was totally hooked on pregnancy and babies. I really felt I couldn't imagine my life not ever being pregnant again, not ever holding a new baby again, not ever giving my heart away again for the third, or fourth time....

 

I had this conversation with Rob, and he actually felt very differently, in that he still thinks 2 is the perfect number and he actually cannot imagine himself (or me for that matter!!) taking care of 2 or 3 more kids, unless we win the lottery and can have an army of nannies to help with everything from cleaning the house to changing babies in the middle of the night. It doesn't surprise me that he feels that way, considering 1. He is a male and the whole pregnancy experience is very different for him, and 2. he is in the end stuck with the financial responsibility of taking care of this family (mainly because of the traditional roles most of us have grown up with- even if we dont necessarily think like that 100%), especially while I am not working.

 

I have given this whole thing some thought and sadly, I have to admit that even though I value family much more than I do economic status or material goods,  I still think that in our position it would be very difficult to have a big family. I think about things that we enjoy in life besides children, for example traveling, and how difficult it would be to do that with a big family. I can definitely not imagine giving that up, and one of my dreams is precisely traveling with our kids one day and showing them the world, exposing them to other cultures and have new experiences together, just like my parents did with my sister and me. And thinking about doing that with a family of 6 or more is not only a financial impossibility for us, but would probably be a logistical nightmare. Add to that other things such as attending sports camps, hobbies, and yes... education. I guess all this burst my bubble and brought me back to reality: this might very well be my last pregnancy/ baby EVER.  But hey, who knows....tomorrow i'll buy myself a lottery ticket and maybe I'll get lucky :) .

2013: New Year, New Baby, New Life.

This year I started off being thankful for all the blessings we had last year, including having a happy growing family. We are starting with a wonderful new blessing, which will be our new little son who is arriving some time this month. It will be a huge change for us, becoming a family of four and teaching Paulo to take care and love his little brother. I am not sure how that will play out. Paulo is a really sweet little boy. Although he is indeed a toddler, he is very affectionate and not aggressive or possesive at all. Of course no one can predict how he will react to not being #1 anymore or sharing mommy and daddy, but I trust (and I knock on wood) that we will do well eventually.
 

A walk in the park this weekend.

Another exciting thing to look forward to is our visit to Mexico in March. I am so excited about it that I kinda tend to forget there is a baby arriving between then and now. But of course, part of the fun of going there will be bringing our new family member with us and introducing him to the family, enjoying the beach and the great food and wearing shorts and sandals and visiting our old favourite places from when we used to live there, shopping for crafts, etc etc.... sigh.... it will be so much fun I can hardly wait! I am also thrilled to say how Paulo will react hearing so much Spanish around him. We will have to make sure that his dad keeps up the English conversation so that he doesn't start to forget.

 

Finally, one of the HUGHEST changes in our life is that we will be moving east to Ontario by the middle of this year. Turns out Rob got offered a position there with a great company and after thinking and thinking and thinking about it, we have decided that we will be moving there. It was such a hard decision to make. The job itself is really a great opportunity for Rob to grow professionally and it could potentially be the job of his dreams with an excellent organization that values his studies, experience and Spanish-speaking skills. It is also a beautiful area, alhtough I have never actually been there but have always wanted to visit and have heard nothing but good comments it. However, it was difficult to make the decision as it means that we will be leaving the life that we have built in the last 5 years in this city, leave our friends (which were hard to find in the first place, as I especially did not know anybody when we got here), and we will also be leaving Rob's parents. The latter particularly pains me, not just because they are my family too, but mainly because of the thought that we are taking our kids away from their grandparents to a place where they will have NO FAMILY at all. On top of that, Rob's parents are divorced and getting old, which makes it particularly difficult to leave them "on their own" and take their grandchildren away from them.

 

So, when we were trying to make what seemed like an impossible decision,  we realized that, in summary, there were many reasons why we should take this opportunity:

 

1. More than anything, this job could potentially be Rob's dream job, and they were offering everything we ask for without conditions, including moving there until later in the year so that we didn't have to move with a brand new baby, having time off for a vacation and getting our move paid for.

 

2. It is a great city, great area of the country, close to lots of amazing places such as Montreal, NYC, the maritimes, etc.

 

3. We have always liked adventure and seeing new places, have new experiences, etc. and this was probably a great way to do that safely (Rob was going to have a job and get paid to go there), and without major complications as I will not have a job to give up, the kids still don't have to change schools AND we don't own a house or have a mortgage yet.

 

4. It is a temporary change, as we want to set roots here in the long term anyway.

 

5. Grandparents have enough health and means to come and visit anytime, for as long as they want. And although it is hard to leave them, they have had their life and their adventures, and we think it is time for us to be a little selfish and pursue our own dreams, ambicions and create our own adventures. It does not mean that we are abandoning them, but rather that it will just take more effort to stay in touch.

 

6. If Rob did not jump at this opportunity he might always wonder what would have happened if he had sought this opportunity, and not let it go because it was the more "comfortable" or "easy" thing to do.

 

Anyway, these are some of the things that went through our heads, plus another 1000 or so and days and days of deliveration. AND most importantly, a careful financial analysis of what it meant for our family to move.

 

So, I think I have ranted enough and you probably get the picture of why this year will bring some big changes to our lives. It is both exciting and scary at the same time, so I will need to put this one in God's hands and trust that he will guide and enlighten us to make the right decisions.

Rosca de Reyes (Three Wise Men Wreath) - a Mexican tradition for January 6th that I baked this weekend