2013: New Year, New Baby, New Life.

This year I started off being thankful for all the blessings we had last year, including having a happy growing family. We are starting with a wonderful new blessing, which will be our new little son who is arriving some time this month. It will be a huge change for us, becoming a family of four and teaching Paulo to take care and love his little brother. I am not sure how that will play out. Paulo is a really sweet little boy. Although he is indeed a toddler, he is very affectionate and not aggressive or possesive at all. Of course no one can predict how he will react to not being #1 anymore or sharing mommy and daddy, but I trust (and I knock on wood) that we will do well eventually.
 

A walk in the park this weekend.

Another exciting thing to look forward to is our visit to Mexico in March. I am so excited about it that I kinda tend to forget there is a baby arriving between then and now. But of course, part of the fun of going there will be bringing our new family member with us and introducing him to the family, enjoying the beach and the great food and wearing shorts and sandals and visiting our old favourite places from when we used to live there, shopping for crafts, etc etc.... sigh.... it will be so much fun I can hardly wait! I am also thrilled to say how Paulo will react hearing so much Spanish around him. We will have to make sure that his dad keeps up the English conversation so that he doesn't start to forget.

 

Finally, one of the HUGHEST changes in our life is that we will be moving east to Ontario by the middle of this year. Turns out Rob got offered a position there with a great company and after thinking and thinking and thinking about it, we have decided that we will be moving there. It was such a hard decision to make. The job itself is really a great opportunity for Rob to grow professionally and it could potentially be the job of his dreams with an excellent organization that values his studies, experience and Spanish-speaking skills. It is also a beautiful area, alhtough I have never actually been there but have always wanted to visit and have heard nothing but good comments it. However, it was difficult to make the decision as it means that we will be leaving the life that we have built in the last 5 years in this city, leave our friends (which were hard to find in the first place, as I especially did not know anybody when we got here), and we will also be leaving Rob's parents. The latter particularly pains me, not just because they are my family too, but mainly because of the thought that we are taking our kids away from their grandparents to a place where they will have NO FAMILY at all. On top of that, Rob's parents are divorced and getting old, which makes it particularly difficult to leave them "on their own" and take their grandchildren away from them.

 

So, when we were trying to make what seemed like an impossible decision,  we realized that, in summary, there were many reasons why we should take this opportunity:

 

1. More than anything, this job could potentially be Rob's dream job, and they were offering everything we ask for without conditions, including moving there until later in the year so that we didn't have to move with a brand new baby, having time off for a vacation and getting our move paid for.

 

2. It is a great city, great area of the country, close to lots of amazing places such as Montreal, NYC, the maritimes, etc.

 

3. We have always liked adventure and seeing new places, have new experiences, etc. and this was probably a great way to do that safely (Rob was going to have a job and get paid to go there), and without major complications as I will not have a job to give up, the kids still don't have to change schools AND we don't own a house or have a mortgage yet.

 

4. It is a temporary change, as we want to set roots here in the long term anyway.

 

5. Grandparents have enough health and means to come and visit anytime, for as long as they want. And although it is hard to leave them, they have had their life and their adventures, and we think it is time for us to be a little selfish and pursue our own dreams, ambicions and create our own adventures. It does not mean that we are abandoning them, but rather that it will just take more effort to stay in touch.

 

6. If Rob did not jump at this opportunity he might always wonder what would have happened if he had sought this opportunity, and not let it go because it was the more "comfortable" or "easy" thing to do.

 

Anyway, these are some of the things that went through our heads, plus another 1000 or so and days and days of deliveration. AND most importantly, a careful financial analysis of what it meant for our family to move.

 

So, I think I have ranted enough and you probably get the picture of why this year will bring some big changes to our lives. It is both exciting and scary at the same time, so I will need to put this one in God's hands and trust that he will guide and enlighten us to make the right decisions.

Rosca de Reyes (Three Wise Men Wreath) - a Mexican tradition for January 6th that I baked this weekend

New Baby Fears

The birth of our new little baby is near and this blog wouldn't be complete without a post on the things I fear at this stage of the game. It is strange to  think how something so exciting and wonderful can be scary at the same time. One difference I have noticed though between this pregnancy and last with Paulo, is that my fears are completely different. Of course the only one in common in both occasions is the fear that I will not have time for anything and "when will I have time to get things done??" . However, before Paulo I had no idea what this really meant (I could not even imagine what it would be like to ACTUALLY have no time); and as my sweet husband simply put it in pure mathematical terms, if you divide ZERO time by 2, it is still ZERO. This surprisingly does give me a bit of relief, ha!

 

 

But all jokes aside, I mostly remember being fearful of what kind of mother I would be once I had my baby. I remember dreaming horrible things like forgetting to change the baby's diaper for days, or forgetting to feed him until he became a tiny little microscopic creature (freaky!!) or crying over something I had screwed up in my dream. I was just so scared that I wasn't up for the challenge. In that respect, this time around I have no fear at all. In any case, that is one of the only things I feel confident about-- knowing exactly what kind of mother I am (for the most part, anyway), what kind of mother I want to be and more or less what it takes to become that (in theory anyways). I feel pretty certain that this baby will have all the love in the world and though I may be imperfect (very imperfect sometimes), my love and the love of our family and those who surround us should help us give this baby a very happy life.
 

That being said, one always fears the unknown and as such, this time I have a very concrete list of what I am affraid of for the future.

FEARS

 

1. One that is just hanging off the top of my head is around night time dynamics. Specifically Paulo's current bedtime routine. Not only does the little guy want ME (not daddy) to put him in bed every night, but I actually have to lie  with him for sometimes up to 1 hour until he falls asleep. If I try sneaking away while is still not fully asleep, he will grab me and literally tell me to put my head on the pillow, and we start over again. What is worse, for the last month or two he has gotten into the habit of waking up in the middle of the night, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT to wake me up and pull me over to his bed. Once I get there I am too tired to wait for him to fall back to sleep, so I just end up staying in his bed for the rest of the night. This, however, is not going to be possible once the baby is born and I am not sure how that is going to work....

 

2.  Another sort of general fear is how our family dynamics will change. I know that when Paulo was born I was expecting Rob's and I's marriage dynamics to change. But this time there is 3 of us whose world is about to be rocked, and I am just a bit conerned that now Rob will have to be a lot more involved in the hands-on parenting role, how Paulo will react to not being the "center of the universe" anymore, and how well I will cope with the two kids while Rob is busy at work. This last part takes me to the next fear.

 

 

3. The fear of being a full-time, stay at home mom. When I had Paulo in 2010, I went on Maternity Leave for 12 months as is the norm here in Alberta/Canada. Man, that year was tough!! Of course I was a first time mom and I think that adds a whole other level of difficulty to the game. But being a full-time mom, a stay at home mom, is such a hard job! At times I felt so isolated and so alone, overwhelmed and helpless whenever Paulo cried to the top of his lungs for no apparent reason , and felt so exhausted whenever Rob was away on a work trip and I was stuck with this new baby 24/7 all by myself, especially since I had almost no family here. Having gone back to work, although it was only part-time, made things so much easier for me in that sense. And although I do wish that I was able to stay at home and take care of Paulo myself, I do recognize that getting out every day, talking to other adults and having some ME time (even if it is work), is so much easier than taking care of a child all day. This time though, I will be staying at home with the little ones for at least a few years, until they are old enough to go to school and we can AFFORD for me to go back to work (well, this is really only one reason to stay at home and hot the most important one for me, but go into detail for now).  Although I do believe that kids give you an instant connection to other moms and they really push you to go out, do things and meet other moms/kids, I am a little worried of what my life will be like this time around.

4. One not-so-terrible fear is wondering if I will have the time to dedicate to this baby as much time and energy as I did with Paulo. Just reading this line out loud almost makes me want to laugh at the obvious answer. Of course this poor baby just won't have that same privilege. But to what extent? With Paulo I really made an effort to give him everything I had to give him all my attention and to develop his mind and body as much as possible. I read a lot on what stage of development he was supposed to be in, and came up with all kinds of activities for him, including taking him to swim classes, etc. Now I fear that time will slip by and I won't have time to try as hard to teach baby new skills. I hope this does not stay as a worry and I can actually come up with ways to teach this baby as much as I did Paulo.

5. My last fear is I think related to my 2nd and 3rd fear, and that is losing my personal identity a little. I definitely felt that the first year with Paulo. I think it is so difficult to keep life balanced and not get completely sucked into the mom life 100%. I acknowledge this is easier done by some mom's than others. But to put it in Rob's words, I am very "mom centric", my children are definitely my number 1 priority and it actually takes me some effort to dedicate time to my hobbies, my friends, and even my health because I am so focused on what my kids and family "need". So alhtough I think it might be hard to step out of the house and leave dad with both kiddos and say "good luck and see ya later!", for my own sake and my family's I hope I'll get better at that. Who knows, maybe with 2 kids I will be screaming for this! ha!

I am glad to see that all my fears could be narrowed down to only 5. And thank goodness, none of these fears are anything really serious. I imagine most people share at least some of these and they just have to cope. So, in a sense, I find some relief in thinking these issues will have to sort themselves out, one way or another... we will find out soon!

37 weeks and counting.

Christmas came and went this week and it's hard to believe I am already at 37 weeks in this pregnancy (!!!). Right before Christmas Paulo got really sick with a nasty cold and cough. He had really high fever for a day and completely refused to play (he would cry if I tried to do anything other than lying down or watching videos), spent all his awake time watching the Winnie The Pooh movie over and over again, refused to eat or drink ANYTHING (even his milk, which he loves), and spent much of the day sleeping for hours. I was very worried about him, as I had not seen him like that except for maybe once or twice in his 2 years... I made sure he drank as much liquids as possible, even if that meant having a tiny sip of water every few hours or try as hard as I could to have him eat some apple sauce, yoghurt or even ice cream... anything that would get some liquids into him. It was really hard to watch him feel so crappy, but fortunately by the end of the day, after all that sleep, he did eventually have a big bottle of milk -- HUGE relief. The next morning he woke up feeling and looking sick, but much better. He is still a bit sick now, but fortunately he recovered quite well. His appetite is ssssloooowly coming back and he is definitely back to his playful self. The bad news is that now of course Rob and I are pretty sick ourselves with the same nasty bug. I was pretty sure I was going to get it (as always happens whenever Paulo comes down with something), so I figured I would embrace the illness and hurry up and get it over with, instead of delaying it until I have this baby. The LAST thing I need is to feel miserable with a cold in the middle of labour :S.

On the positive side, it was great to be able to stay at home for a few days and catch up on all those errands I was struggling to get done. We finally managed to settup the baby's crib in our room, settup some plastic drawers on the side to keep diapers and other supplies handy, organize the baby's clothes in the closet, pack the back up suitcase in case we need to go to the hospital, and a big plastic bin with all the supplies for the home birth. I even managed to do a bit of tidying up in our storage room and cleared out lots of toys to donate.

And then there was Christmas. This year we had a very quiet Christmas at home with Paulo's Nana. She came over for breakfast and spent the whole day at home with us (it was -30C outside all week, so the thought of going outside for walks or playing in the snow didn't even cross our minds). We spent all day opening the presents, playing with Paulo's new toys and preparing our first, very own turkey dinner, which turned out great. 

As for the presents, this year we decided that rather than getting individual gifts for each other we would get one big family present, which this year would be a tablet. For us two it would be just a toy, since we already have smartphones and a laptop. However, we thought it would be great for Paulo especially, as he could play some age appropriate games in it, watch YouTube videos, and most importantly, play with it when we travel to Mexico in March (and keep our sanity on the airplane!). It actually took us a long time to decide to go ahead and buy the tablet, as we had concerns of Paulo being too young to handle and/or play with a tablet . We certainly didn't want him to be glued to the thing all day, which happens sometimes with our cellphones. So one rule strict we did come up with was to never allow the tablet to be used during meals, and also to limit the time he spends in front of that screen. We also got some fun stocking stuffers for each other. I got some small camping gadgets for Rob from his favourite store, Mountain Equipment Coop; he got me some treats that I love (candy, fine cheeses, magazines, etc) and we also got Paulo some books from the Mr and Miss series that he loves. Paulo got lots of presents from his Nana and grandparents in Mexico, and other members of the family. As always, it was the most fun watching him play with his new toys, the big winner being his washable Crayola felt pens.

 

Paulo playing with his new Crayola markers

 

 

Playing with Melissa and Doug's train sound puzzle

 It was a great, very laid back week for our family and it was just nice spending so much time together, especially with Rob, who has been working really hard in the last few months.

Paulo and Rob reading

Fortunately, he has been off work for that and this week, and although I had to be back for my last couple of days at work before I go on Maternity Leave, it has made things much easier to have him around at home to help out with making breakfast and lunches in the morning.



   I can now focus on enjoying the last few days of my working, professional life, and move on to the next chapter of my life: becoming a full-time, stay at home mom. Wish me luck!