What does a mother do when she needs to raise a baby in a new city, away from her mother, her family or any close friends known to her? She reads books. And that is what I did when I had Paulo and with him came all those questions that keep a mother awake at night and eat her alive during the day.
Ideally, I think I should have read these books before I had my babies. Some parents seem to have it together and know what kind of parent they will be or what kind of parenting philosophy will guide them through thick and thin. I didn't. I had no clue there were even parenting philosophies. I thought parenting was parenting and that was it. Oh boy was I ever wrong.
From the list I came up with below, one can see that I found my comfort in Attachment Parenting. These books below are not all the books I've read, but they are those that resonated with me and made a lot of sense. And through those books I sort of navigated my way to all the others. Now I find that these are sort of my rocks, my solid foundations. Have a look:
The Baby Sleep Book - Dr. William Sears - pretty much Im a fan of Dr. sears, just become Attachment Parenting resonates so much with me and who better to learn from that a man with all the professional experience, plus, lots of kids and a wonderful family to back the theory. I loved the Sleep Book though because in a world ( or society?) where there is so much pressure to let baby cary-it-out like its the only way and to become a detached parent, and a world which is filled by books written by quacks with no real research or data to back their advice, this book sounded so non-judgemental to me and at peace with my feelings as a mother and baby. Simply loved it.
The Fussy Baby Book - Dr. William Sears - similar as the above, except this one I found very useful
when I had Paulo, because he seemed to be so high needs.
The No Cry Sleep Solution, Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night - Elizabeth Pantley - Excellent read, I think self described as a compromise between Dr. sears's " martyr" approach and something different. Not crying it out. At the time it felt like it didn't ally offer me a solution to a baby who never slept through the night, but looking back I think Pantley does offer some good, gently, baby friendly tips.
Diaper Free: The Gentle Wisdom of Natural Infant Hygiene - Ingrid Bauer - this book was my
BIBLE for Elimination Communication. I cant say how much I loved this book. It is written very clearly, uses examples, describes the process step by step. It is just an excellent book for people interested in EC.
The Happiest Toddler on the Block- Dr. Harvey Karp - i enjoyed this book and definitely gave me
some useful pointers and information. More than anything, i loved the leads I got for other gat books from its resources. It is also a very gently book that really urges you to be patient and understand how a toddler's mind works. It felt to me that a lot of this advice sort of comes from personality- clearly he is very good with kids and I feel like it could be hard to mimic that, but nonetheless a great resource.
Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent- Meredith F. Small - this is by far, THE BEST, AWESOMEST, MOST INTERESTING, FASCINATING book I've ever read. It is not a how-to book, and my husband even called it "obscure" and "ivory tower". And it does talk a lot about the science behind babies behaviour and development, from evolution to biology to anthropology. There is a lot of talk about primates and species and cultures around the world and how they raise their babies and why. But that's what I loved about this book. Even though it is not meant to teach parents how to parent, through scientific facts it becomes very obvious that western parents are for the most part...well... Screwing up big time. If you are considering letting your baby cry it out, feeding him on schedule, putting him to sleep alone in his own room, after reading this book you would have to be either really ignorant, really selfish, or I dont know what to still do it. And although it is all based on science, it is very easy to read and just captivating.
Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Cosleeping - Dr. James J. McKenna is the world's most knowledgeable sleep guru. He is the head of a mother-and-baby sleep research facility in Montreal, which makes him pretty much an authority in the baby sleep department..ummm quite literally. So, if you are going to read a book about baby sleep, why not read a book that contains the actual truth about what is best for baby?? Don't read something just because it makes you feel better about using a method that makes you feel like you are doing something wrong or you are being mean to your baby. If you feel like you are doing something wrong or bad to your baby, chances are, you are. So, read this and people who work with this man. And forget what the rest of the world (including you mom!) says.
Beyond The Sling - Mayim Bialik PHD - This book just blew my mind. It is centered around Attachment Parenting and portrays what the life of one Attached Parent looks like. Now, I know Mayim has sadly gotten divorced recently, and this kind of puts a huge question mark on this book. That's not to say we should question Attachment Parenting, in my opinion. A parenting philosophy itself does not make people get divorced. And divorce issue aside, I still respect Mayim Bialik immensely for being an amazing example of somebody who "walks the talk" on all aspects of her life. Anyway, I think what she writes in this book of course, like any other book written by someone who's intimate life we don't really know, should be taken with a grain of salt. But I reiterate, in my opinion, this book is good stuff.
Baby-Led Weaning: The Essential Guide to Introducing Solid Foods - and Helping Your Baby to Grow Up a Happy and Confident Eater - Tracey Murkett, Gill Rapley - This book is about a different feeding method for introducing your baby to solid, alternative to the typical purees that we are all used to. I am just going to say two things: First, this book makes sense because it is what many people in the world do, or used to do when we didn't have any blenders, Nestle rice cereal and baby magic bullet. Second: I tried the traditional method with my first son, and this method with my second son. My Second son at 9 months old is such an amazing independent eater it is not even funny. Having basically the same diet, it is amazing how much Emilio LOVES food with a passion, and how much he enjoys sitting down to eat. And I mean, Paulo was a great eater and still eats pretty well. But the difference is incredible in terms of what a better eater Emilio is.
And that is all sofar, I still have some great books in my future list, so I hope I will be writing about those soon!
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