One of the things I have a lot to talk about is Elimination Communication and the role it has played in P.s upbringing as well as my life as a mother. For those who are not familiar with Elimination communication, Wikipedia defines it as the following:
"Elimination communication (EC) is a practice in which a caregiver uses timing, signals, cues, and intuition to address an infant's need to eliminate waste. Caregivers try to recognize and respond to babies' bodily needs and enable them to urinate and defecate in an appropriate place (e.g. a toilet). Caregivers may use diapers (nappies) as a back-up in case of misses some or all of the time, or not at all. EC emphasizes communication between the caregiver and child, helping them both become more attuned to the child's innate rhythms and control of urination and defecation. The term "elimination communication" was inspired by traditional practices of diaper-less baby care in less industrialized countries and hunter-gatherer cultures.[1] Some practitioners of EC begin soon after birth, the optimum window being zero to four months[2], although it can be started with babies of any age. The practice can be done full time, part time, or just occasionally."
Elimination Communication has definitely changed our lifes for the better and after having gone through this experience with P. there is no way I would try anything different (I definitely would never consider traditional diapering). Although I have so much more to say regarding this method, I just wanted to describe what the road has been like for us. And although complete diaper independence is not the main goal of this process, it is I guess relevant to say that it took P. just over 1 full year to achieve it (from 3-4 months old to about 16 months old).
When we first started ECing I had no idea what I was getting
into. I didn’t have any plans for it, and hadn’t even a clue what Diaper Free
Babies were about. When I had P., one
of Rob's colleagues lent us a bunch of books on babies, one of which was
Ingrid Bauer’s Natural Infant Hygene book. I started reading it out of
curiosity while I breastfed, but hadn’t really planned to actually put
it in practice. I thought that if this Natural Infant Hygene actually worked, I
probably wouldn’t be able to do it anyway.
Interestingly enough, my grandmother, who was born in 1914 in Mexico,
had once mentioned to me that one of my aunts never had to wear diapers when
she was a baby. She said her doctor had instructed her to pour water from a jug while she held her
to make her go pee. Honestly, when I
heard this story I thought grandma was probably losing it. Perhaps she
remembered things differently or perhaps I didn’t understand what she was
saying. I was just very skeptical the whole time.
I read Bauer’s book and I found it very practical and it
just made so much sense. I could even find myself thinking: “ohhhh so that’s
why P. keeps doing that!” and just finding lots of “aha!” moments while
reading the book. When I started putting all the tools in practice and I
managed to catch one or two poops and pees throughout a day, I still thought it
was probably some weird coincidence; it couldn’t possibly be working!!
As we continued on, I realized P. actually knew what
he was doing. It was amazing. I could not believe how wrong I had been believing
babies could not possibly know how to eliminate without a diaper, and I
couldn’t believe how much wiser babies are than we usually give them credit
for. I was overwhelmed by the closeness we were developing too by understanding each other so well at such a young age.
When P. was only a few months old and was peeing very
often, I didn’t try too hard to catch the pees, unless it was after a nap or
just casually whenever I got around to it. The poos were generally very easy to
catch though, in the morning, after his naps, or after breastfeeding. My husband was very happy that
it made the cloth diapering experience so much easier.
Before I knew it, we were on a path where there was no
turning back. I couldn’t imagine not EC’ing my baby. Sometimes I felt
overwhelmed when I missed a poo, and questioned the whole method. However it would only take me a few
seconds to realize I just couldn’t bring myself to give up EC anymore, knowing
it was a better, more dignified, and respectful
(to the environment and the baby) method than traditional diapering.
I also kept reminding myself of the part of the book where
Ingrid Bauer insists that EC should not become obsessive or a reason for
parents to stress, and how there are enough challenges in parenting as to add yet
another one. In hindsight, I think a key to the success in our communication
has been trying hard to take this one step at a time, one day at a time,
without expectations, just enjoying the process and valuing every catch as a
success in itself. Being relaxed about it wasn’t so easy all the time, but I
always liked to think about every miss as an opportunity that the baby didn’t
take. As simple as that, and then move on.
In time, my baby’s pees started happening less frequently
and we started catching those. We had a few regressions when P. learned to
walk and was becoming so independent and excited to go wherever whenever he
wanted, that he didn’t want anything to do with the potty. With some
persistence but never pressuring or forcing him to go, he eventually started going
bathroom reliably without any resistance.
Then I noticed that whenever we went out, he came back with
a dry diaper and peed immediately after I removed his diaper to change him at
home.
That’s when it all clicked, and now he is a full
day- and night-time graduate. Of
course I am very proud that we have reached this point. But more than anything,
I am happy that we decided to take on this less travelled road. It makes SO
much more sense than traditional diapering. All the efforts throughout this
journey have paid off in the biggest way, not in the number of diapers we have
spared or on the number of catches we have had. But rather from recognizing the
dignity of babies by honoring their capabilities and respecting the
environment.
Despite all the good things about EC, there are a few points I want to mention regarding the realities of Elimination Communication:
People who have an "obsessive" personality or who do not have the will power to be relaxed about this method and "let go" when things don't go as planned or seem to not be working out, should not practice this method. Babies should never be yelled at or even be given trouble for peeing or pooing in their clothes. These are babies, not robots, and it takes practice and time for them to learn. Although successes are nice, misses WILL happen and parents have to learn to just move on.
Babies WILL pee and poo in their clothes while they are learning. Be prepared for lots of diaper/undie changes and the resulting laundry.
Babies will have drawbacks and have phases where they seem to have lost interest or forget everything.
There WILL be frustrating moments where you will question what the hell you are doing or why you started ECing in the first place. Hopefully these will only last seconds and then you will move on. Support from groups or even just reading others' experiences on the internet can be useful.
People WILL think you are crazy and might even try to discourage you from pursuing the method by saying it is a lot of work. Some people are just not happy when somebody does things differently and it actually works. Also, guess what? relationships do require a lot of work!
I am sure eventually we will get more excited again. Actually, with the prospect of having a home birth this time and preparing for that, I am starting to feel those butterflies in my stomach again. I have also gotten some new and cute baby things as well, and narrowing down the list of names is all starting to feed that excitement. And wondering what this baby will look like this time, and holding a tiny little baby close again...We are definitely getting there.
