36th week and Christmas.

I am now on my 36th Week! wow... yesterday I went to the store and realized that the milk I bought expires on my due date! that is so bizzare, and just makes me realize how close I am to having a baby and simultaneaously having my life turned upside down. I keep focusing on the due date, but really it could be pretty much any time now, which is incredibly scary.

Of course I am anxious to meet the new baby and all that comes with that, but I just feel like there is this endless list of things to do before that happens. In case you haven't noticed, I AM PANICKING. I remember having this exact same feeling when Paulo was about to be born two years ago. I started my mat leave and I had this endless list of errands, and kept adding more and more items and falling further and further behind as days went by. Somehow, in my mind, I kind of expect life to stop so I can get ready and have my baby, and then enjoy this calm air of nothingness around me while I hold my baby for the first weeks or months. Yeah, like that will happen!

 

On the very contrary, I started my vacation and then mat leave last week and I see the same history repeating. Endless to do's to cross off, which not only never happens, but I keep adding more and more random things that appear out of the blue and need to be solved. It does not help that it is only 1 week before Christmas, and I am definitely not where I should be in terms of Christmas preparations at this point.

 

I have yet to buy a bunch of stocking stuffers for Rob and Paulo, my mother-in-law's Christmas present, and choose a turkey recipe for my first turkey EVER, which ideally I would already have so I could start shopping groceries and making things ahead. Oh, and of course on top of that preparing all the supplies I need for the home birth, digging out all the baby clothes, organizing and making space for them in Paulo's closet, wash and hang all the new clothes, set up the crib, etc etc (did I mention choosing a baby name?????). Of course none of this important stuff ever gets done because every plan gets interrupted by some last minute social engagement or other minor urgencies that come up every day, for example going to get mouse traps because we just found out we have mice in the house (did I mention I am panicking??), trying to free a bird from the fire place all morning, driving to get my husband his work stuff, which he left at home when he left in a rush.... oh, and of course, blogging (well, this may be the only enjoyable thing I have actually done for myself since I've been at home). Anyone panicking with me yet?

 

Anyway, I just realized I have ranted about this for almost a whole page so I better start writing something a little more positive. Actually, despite all the craziness, this Christmas has brought some magic in my life and my family's. Not only does this time of year inevitably bring me back to the memories of when Paulo was born and our first few days/ weeks/ months with him, but now it offers a whole new meaning with the new baby arriving soon. Having Paulo and now this baby makes Christmass all that important and much more of a big deal. Paulo is now old enough that he gets excited about the Christmas tree, he is curious about Nativity and likes Santa Claus. And then there is  actually dedicating some time to being grateful and realizing how fortunate we are to have  family and friends, health, happiness, a good life, and even more fortunate that we know to be grateful and to be able to see all the good things we have in life. 



Is that excitement or what??



The Nativity Scene

Waiting for baby!

Birthday #2

Happy Birthday #2 Paulo!!! Since you arrived, there has been nothing more important to me than putting a smile on your little face, and being worthy of that smile. You have made my heart explode with happiness on a daily basis, and have made me love you even more when I didn’t think it possible. You have made me experience life for the first time all over again. I love you and what you have done to my life so much. Feliz Cumpleanios enano!!

 



March 2012 in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

 It was Paulo's 2nd Birthday last week and we had two small celebrations, one before his birthday with my friends and their babies , and then one on the day of his Birthday with Rob's family. Paulo had tons of fun at both of them, mainly just playing with balloons which are his all time favourites. It has been one week since his last party and he is still obsessed with the only surviving helium balloon :).

 

Thanks to all the preparation that comes with birthday parties I had no time to think about what it felt like to have my first born turning 2. But now that the wirldwind is starting to quiet down (although not completely due to a very busy Holiday Season), I can't help but think... holy cow! 2 whole years have gone by since that first night we finally had our little baby in our arms...

 

Once again one of the things that amazes me as a parent is all the changes that a little baby goes through in two years. Paulo has not only become a whole different person physically, but he has developed his own personality in this short but busy time of his life. Not to mention, I myself have gone through my own transformation, just thinking about the type of person I had no idea I would become once I became a mother.

 



Paulo's 1st Year Photobook from Picaboo.

Since Paulo turned 2, I feel like he looks different to me just knowing that he is no longer a little baby. Not only is he officially a TODDLER, but he is becoming a little boy. I can't put my finger on it, but just looking at the new skills he has acquired, the confidence he has in his movements, his learning to communicate and make his own choices are just some of the constant reminders of how fast he is growing. Thankfully, I will not completely forget about this stage since I have accomplished at least my most important New Years resolution from 2011-- to finish Paulo's 1st Year Photo Book before his birthday (or before the 2nd baby was born). I am clearly very proud of myself considering the amount of time and effort it took me to get this done. I got it on a discount from Picaboo, which made it so much easier to design it than it would have been to do everything manually, which was the original plan. I am pretty happy with the result and hope one day he will be too.



Pregnancy # 2

Today I am turning 29 weeks! As I imagine every pregnant woman at this stage feels, I am overwhelmed by how quickly time has gone by, even though every sepparate little moment of it has felt so slow.

 

I can definitely say at this point that this pregnancy doesn't feel nearly as "glamourous" as the first one. In terms of health, I feel great and all in all I have done great this time as well, despite feeling much more nauseous in the first trimester than I did with Paulo. Physically, I would say this pregnancy has felt very much like the first one, which is definitely a good thing, and I feel lucky that once again I haven't had to deal with any issues at all.

 

However, mentally and emotionally, this pregnancy has been, well, very low key.

There are of course some obvious differences such as the fact that the first baby is always such a big deal, just because it is the first one and it is such a big change in anybody's life, a surprise for everybody and other things like that. 

I remember being at the ultrasound in my first pregnancy and feeling so excited to see the baby in that screen for the first time. I couldn't help to buy everything cute that came across my way and being so enthusiastic about prepping the baby's room. Besides my own personal exictement, it was as if the world around me was excited for me as well. I remember walking in the building corridors to go to work and having people look at me and smile, being congratulated by strangers in the elevator on a daily basis, people giving me their seat on the bus, and receiving so much kindness and excitement from everyone around me all the time.

 

This time around though, it just feels different. It is still possible that my last trimester will be different once I start showing a great deal more (being pregnant in full winter weather definitely doesn't let you show much under tons of clothes and coats). However, it seems as if everybody else knew that this is my second pregnancy as well (is it my tired face and eyes ??? :S).

 

On top of that we have everything we need and at this point it, we are busier than we've probably ever been, and it seems more like a pain to dig up all that baby equipment, clean it, and get it all ready.

 

I am sure eventually we will get  more excited again. Actually, with the prospect of having a home birth this time and preparing for that, I am starting to feel those butterflies in my stomach again. I  have also gotten some new and cute baby things as well, and narrowing down the list of names is all starting to feed that excitement. And wondering what this baby will look like this time, and holding a tiny little baby close again...We are definitely getting there.

One thing is for sure, listening to that baby heart beat at every doctor's visit definitely makes me feel amazing every time. To me, there is just nothing like it. I think that even if this was my tenth time having a baby, I would still experience that overwhelming feeling of having a new life growing inside and the idea of what a gift that is. There is just nothing more amazing than the power of a beating heart...wow... it takes my breath away... every time.